IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that climate change could have a negative effect on business. Other people think that climate change could create more business opportunities. Discuss both views give your own opinion.

#people #climate #change #effect #business #opportunities
The significance of
climate
 change which
was
Verb problem
has
show examples
 always debatable has become more controversial people claim
that is
 beneficial
while
 others reject
this
 notion.The substantial with many influences of
this
 trend
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 sparked controversy over the potential impact in recent years.
This
 essay will not only shed light on both perceptions but
also
 my point of view will be elaborated in the below paragraphs. Analysing the statement and explaining
further
,the first and foremost reason behind
this
 is that there are numerous points to be shared where
climate
 change left a negative impact on several businesses.Agriculture and Fishing are the sectors which are mostly affected
due to
 the fluctuation of the atmosphere. Another striking benefit in
this
 regard is that Heavy rain or no rain for any specific crop
caused
Verb problem
has
show examples
 a bad effect on farming which results in a poor farmer being poorer
in addition
 to
this
 it
also
 affects the nation where the demand is high for food and supply becomes low because of damage.
For example
, shortage of seafood in food malls.
As a consequence
, switching of weather affects business majorly. Probing ahead, the main underlying reason stems from the fact that moving towards another argument of
this
 debate, where for some people swapping of air is beneficial for their respective field of work as it brings variations. Moving
further
, it is pertinent to mention that tourism increases rapidly
due to
climate
 replacement and certainly, it attracts
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 and
hence
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
improvises
Verb problem
improves
show examples
business opportunities.
Moreover
, to exemplify, people are always attracted to going to cold places or to seeing beautiful snowfall. For as a businessman stocks a variety of products, and as per changes the demand for products increases. To recapitulate,
climate
 has made the world a better place and it has created place opportunities, reduced pollution and increased the quality of life for living beings. So,
climate
 change has made life more convenient and the advantages are indeed hard to ignore.
Submitted by sanjayp029 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a coherent and logical structure. Certain sentences seem disconnected from each other which makes the progression of ideas hard to follow for the reader. Attempt to convey your thoughts in a manner where each sentence logically flows from the previous one.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present, they could be more effective. The introduction does not fully introduce the topic or thesis statement, and the conclusion does not effectively sum up the arguments presented. try to start by introducing the topic in a more straightforward manner and end by summarizing the key points of your argument succinctly.
coherence cohesion
The essay adequately defends the main viewpoints with fairly strong arguments. However, more compelling support could be provided for some of the assertions made. Try to incorporate more convincing justifications and substantiate your statements with more concrete information or data.
task achievement
Your task response is good overall, with clear presentation of the two different views and your own opinion. However, ensure that your ideas are linked more effectively to the task requirement. Never lose sight of the question and ensure that all your points relate directly back to it.
task achievement
Most of your ideas are clearly explained and comprehensive, but at times they may come off as abstract or general. Aim for more specificity and detail in your arguments to make them more persuasive. For instance, when discussing the impact on agriculture, explain how exactly climate change impacts crop yields, weather patterns etc.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples to support your claims was well executed. Continue to include such examples for a more clear and vivid argument in your essays. This not only strengthens your case but also adds evidence to your claims.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay โ€“ it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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