IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe that it is the responsibility of the individual to protect themselves. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is considered that some that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should be responsible for
crime
Use synonyms
prevention
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
there
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
others
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
think that it is better
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the individual
have
Fix the infinitive
to have
show examples
 the responsibility to protect themselves from crimes.In my opinion,I believe that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 plays an important part in
big
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
prevention
Use synonyms
,and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 protect themselves in daily life. On the one hand,many
people
Use synonyms
 think
government
Use synonyms
 is the key to reducing the rate of
crime
Use synonyms
 because
having
Change preposition
of having
show examples
 good knowledge of
crime
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,when the bad group want to make the
enconomical
Correct your spelling
economical
economic
crime
Use synonyms
 that the individual is hard to find
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,the
government
Use synonyms
 can find it quickly and know how to prevent it in time.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 has
ability
Add an article
the ability
show examples
 of the threat of
spell
Add an article
a spell
show examples
 in jail.It is a suitable deterrent which will stop bad
people
Use synonyms
 from breaking the law.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason,I believe that in the case of
Use synonyms
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
 rate that
require
Change the verb form
requires
show examples
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 to
reduce
Correct pronoun usage
reduce it
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
crime
Use synonyms
prevention
Use synonyms
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 the individual’s effort.Everyone should have
to enhance
Change the verb form
enhanced
show examples
 awareness of protecting their private information.It is a very helpful way to reduce the daily
crime
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
,if one person knows your door password,your house will get in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
trouble,
Correct word choice
and somethings
show examples
somethings
Correct your spelling
some things
show examples
 will be stolen.Another reason
people
Use synonyms
 have responsibility
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
prevention
Use synonyms
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 can pay attention to their daily lives.It is very easy to find
Use synonyms
crime
Replace the word
criminal
show examples
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
reason
Add a comma
reason,
show examples
 I
also
Linking Words
 believe that the individual
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 have a relevant place in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
prevention
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
crime
Use synonyms
prevention
Use synonyms
 requires
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 to offer knowledge and
deterrent
Fix the agreement mistake
deterrents
show examples
.In the case of daily
crime
Use synonyms
,it needs the individual’s awareness and observation.If
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 two parts can work together well,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
 society will become more harmonious.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
The introduction could be clearer. Consider rephrasing for clarity and to express your opinion more directly.
coherence and cohesion
There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrases that disrupt the flow. Review sentences like 'the individual protect themselves' for grammatical accuracy.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas in the main points to ensure each is fully supported, particularly in providing relevant examples.
task achievement
You have effectively presented both sides of the argument, which is essential for this type of essay.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion is well-structured, summarizing the key points made in the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • responsible for crime prevention
  • legislative power
  • trained personnel
  • public institutions
  • police force
  • judiciary
  • correctional facilities
  • maintain law and order
  • public good
  • personal accountability
  • self-defense measures
  • security systems
  • vigilant
  • community watch programs
  • education on personal security
  • empower individuals
  • reduce the risk of becoming victims of crime
  • synergistic approach
  • robust governmental measures
  • proactive steps
  • collaborative approach
  • foundation of security
  • aware and prepared citizenry
What to do next:
Look at other essays: