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Band 5

Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#families #children #schools #taxes #support #education #system
Nowadays some people thought that
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
show examples
,
whose
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 offsring in private
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 do not need to pay
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 which will
advocates
Wrong verb form
advocate
show examples
whole
Correct article usage
a whole
show examples
 education
system
 that includes public
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 and more. A strong contradiction to
this
 statement will be presented as I thoroughly examine
this
 perspective in
this
 essay.
To begin
 with, it is
duty
Correct article usage
the duty
show examples
 that all citizens
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
to pay
taxes
 through
equal
Add an article
an equal
the equal
show examples
system
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
designed by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
. To put it another way,
humankinds
Correct your spelling
humankind
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
imposed certain
tariff
Fix the agreement mistake
tariffs
show examples
 into
administration's
Correct article usage
the administration's
show examples
 foundation that money will spend not only
education
Change preposition
on education
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
infrastructure
Change preposition
on infrastructure
show examples
, health and welfare
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
.
Furthermore
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
actually did not utilize services of their paid
taxes
,
such
 as calling
ambulance
Fix the agreement mistake
ambulances
show examples
 or firefighters and getting social welfare. In
this
 case, if we exempt these rich people from educational
tax
, it will be biased
for
Change preposition
toward
show examples
 equality. In the second place, if we all agreed to
paying
Change the verb form
pay
show examples
system
 which excludes money that has not
used
Add a missing verb
been used
show examples
, it will be a huge mess. As I mentioned above,
mankinds
Correct your spelling
mankind
 did not use some services so it will be hard to calculate
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
 of tariff which every single individual
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to pay.
As a result
,
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 will be burned out because of
assessment
Correct article usage
the assessment
show examples
 of
tax
.
Moreover
,
taxes
 are not gathered enough into government
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
,
as
Correct word choice
and as
show examples
 a consequence, social services will be malfunctioned. In conclusion, it will be
disaster
Add an article
a disaster
the disaster
show examples
 that
managing
Wrong verb form
manage
show examples
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 through usage.
For
this
 reason, I strongly support
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 we have to pay
taxes
 equally through
system
Add an article
the system
show examples
 since it is for all
humanbeings
Correct your spelling
human beings
 in the nation.
Submitted by llbayarmaa on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • tax exemption
  • public education
  • private schools
  • collective responsibility
  • societal welfare
  • equitable access
  • financial burden
  • social cohesion
  • tax credits
  • vouchers
  • subsidies
  • state-funded
  • socioeconomic disparities
  • public vs. private sector
  • quality of education
What to do next:
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