Young people should spend more time on cultural activities such as music and theater and less time on sport. How far do you agree with this statement?

The most controversial issue today relates to
children
are have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
to spend more time on cultural
activities
such
as art , music, and theatre.
While
some people tend towards a sport is more important than cultural
activities
. In
this
essay, I am going to examine
this
question and my opinion On
one
side of ,arguments there are people who argue that the benefits of concentrating on cultural
activities
make kids more creative. Krasnodar about the music
such
as drums,guitar and piano.
Additionally
, it is necessary for
children
read
Fix the infinitive
to read
show examples
more
biography
Fix the agreement mistake
biographies
show examples
of artists and how they struggle and suffer ,
for instance
, Van Gogh
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was suffering from depression throughout his life. ,
Moreover
the education system
hove
Verb problem
has
show examples
to add more subjects of cultural
also
the teachers have to focus on the skills of the pupils and encourage them to join in cultural
activities
and clubs
On the other hand
, it is
also
possible to make an opposing case. ,
First
Add a comma
First,
show examples
the sport should be compulsory for
children
because many reasons
one
of them, is
children
have a lot of energy inside their bodies , especially young
children
.
,Second
Rephrase
Second,Second
show examples
get used
be
Wrong verb form
to being
show examples
healthier it makes them sleep better and think better as well.
Finally
, doing any type of sport it is increasing for your positive energy.
One
good illustration of
this
is when I feel depressed and stressed immediately I go for a walk it makes me feel incredibly As we have seen , there are no essay answers to
this
question, on balance, I tend to believe that sports are more important than cultural activity because many things are
one
of them.
Children
are
being
Verb problem
apply
show examples
healthy and have active lifestyles.
Submitted by maryamabugela on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clearer structure. Use topic sentences and supporting details to enhance coherence.
task achievement
Support your arguments with relevant examples and research to strengthen your response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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