Young people should spend more time on cultural activities such as music and theater and less time on sport. How far do you agree with this statement?

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The most controversial issue today relates to
children
Use synonyms
are have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
to spend more time on cultural
activities
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such
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as art , music, and theatre.
While
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some people tend towards a sport is more important than cultural
activities
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. In
this
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essay, I am going to examine
this
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question and my opinion On
one
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side of ,arguments there are people who argue that the benefits of concentrating on cultural
activities
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make kids more creative. Krasnodar about the music
such
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as drums,guitar and piano.
Additionally
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, it is necessary for
children
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read
Fix the infinitive
to read
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more
biography
Fix the agreement mistake
biographies
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of artists and how they struggle and suffer ,
for instance
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, Van Gogh
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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was suffering from depression throughout his life. ,
Moreover
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the education system
hove
Verb problem
has
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to add more subjects of cultural
also
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the teachers have to focus on the skills of the pupils and encourage them to join in cultural
activities
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and clubs
On the other hand
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, it is
also
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possible to make an opposing case. ,
First
Add a comma
First,
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the sport should be compulsory for
children
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because many reasons
one
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of them, is
children
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have a lot of energy inside their bodies , especially young
children
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.
,Second
Rephrase
Second,Second
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get used
be
Wrong verb form
to being
show examples
healthier it makes them sleep better and think better as well.
Finally
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, doing any type of sport it is increasing for your positive energy.
One
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good illustration of
this
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is when I feel depressed and stressed immediately I go for a walk it makes me feel incredibly As we have seen , there are no essay answers to
this
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question, on balance, I tend to believe that sports are more important than cultural activity because many things are
one
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of them.
Children
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are
being
Verb problem
apply
show examples
healthy and have active lifestyles.
Submitted by maryamabugela on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clearer structure. Use topic sentences and supporting details to enhance coherence.
task achievement
Support your arguments with relevant examples and research to strengthen your response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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