The line diagram shows the demand of electricity in winter and summer for a particular city. the pie chart shows the percentage of electricity use in the households. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line diagram shows the demand of electricity in winter and summer for a particular 

city. the pie chart shows the percentage of electricity use in the households.

Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line graph here illustrates the typical daily demand of
electricity
in a British city during the
winter
and
summer
days
. The following pie chart gives a breakdown on the percentages of different domestic uses of that energy
such
as heating, kitchen utensils, and other home appliances.
Overall
, the consumption of energy in
winter
is roughly double as that in
summer
. Heating room and water accounts for a bit more than half of all
electricity
consumed. Up to 9 am, there is a rather steady decline of
electricity
use during the
summer
days
, from 18000 at midnight to almost 14000. At the same time period, but during the cold
days
of the
winter
, the power consumption goes through a fluctuation: a sharp rise from 34000 at midnight to 40000 at 3 am will be replaced by a less steep declining curve that reaches a bit more than 30000 at 9 am. From that moment on, the use of
electricity
is increasing until late at night for both
summer
and
winter
days
: reaching 48000 and 20000 at the pick hours in
winter
and
summer
respectively. The division of
such
use is not uniform. Heating room and heating water take the better part of the all energy consumption, 52% to be precise. Ovens, kettles, and washing machines utilize 18%. There is a tie for the both sections of 1. Lighting, TV and radio, and 2. Vacuum cleaners, food mixers, and electric tools at 15%.
Submitted by f.farkhany71 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such".
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity, winter, summer, days with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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