The chart gives information about the percentage of overweight men and women in Australia from 1980 to 2010.

#information #percentage #men #women #australia

The given bar chart illustrates the comparison of the proportion of overweight by sex in 4 different years in Australia. In brief, the rate of

men

and women who were heavier than the criteria weight in 2000 was

highest

Correct article usage

the highest

show examples

whereas

the ratio in 1980 was in the bottom position.

Additionally

, the proportion of males was more than

females'

Change noun form

females

show examples

in all years. Moving to the details, there was a gradual increase in the percentage of

men

from 1980 to 2000 at around 45, 50 and 70 per cent respectively, a rise of 25% in 20 years. After that, the rate of overweight

men

in Australia slightly decreased from 70% to approximately 67%.

In addition

, the proportion of

men

and women showed a similar trend, with the percentage of females considerably raised from 30% to 50% between 1980 and 2000. It is

also

notable that the ratio maintained stable for a decade after 2000.

Submitted by shimamura0116 on Thu Jun 08 2023

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words men with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

153 words

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The chart gives information about the percentage of overweight men and women in Australia from 1980 to 2010.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?

2) Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, teamwork is in fashion in the workplace and many people working with a group of people. What are the advantages and disadvantages teamwork brings to people who prefer to do so?

Some people say that protecting the environment is the government’s responsibility. Others believe that every individual's responsibility for it. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In many countries today in cities either live alone or in small family units, rather than in large extended family groups. Is this a positive or negative trend?