IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The chart gives information about the percentage of overweight men and women in Australia from 1980 to 2010.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The given bar chart illustrates the comparison of the proportion of overweight by sex in 4 different years in Australia. In brief, the rate of
men
Use synonyms
 and women who were heavier than the criteria weight in 2000 was
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 ,
whereas
Linking Words
 the ratio in 1980 was in the bottom position.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the proportion of males was more than
females'
Change noun form
females
show examples
 in all years. Moving to the details, there was a gradual increase in the percentage of
men
Use synonyms
 from 1980 to 2000 at around 45, 50 and 70 per cent respectively, a rise of 25% in 20 years. After that, the rate of overweight
men
Use synonyms
 in Australia slightly decreased from 70% to approximately 67%.
In addition
Linking Words
, the proportion of
men
Use synonyms
 and women showed a similar trend, with the percentage of females considerably raised from 30% to 50% between 1980 and 2000. It is
also
Linking Words
 notable that the ratio maintained stable for a decade after 2000.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words men with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: