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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think we need more female leaders to create world peace and reduce violence.

There is no room for doubt that in
this
Linking Words
 contemporary society,
gender
Use synonyms
 plays an important role in shaping most of our aspects. Indeed, one topic that, to an extent, has raised worldwide controversy is whether or not
women
Use synonyms
 should become
leaders
Use synonyms
 or not. I totally disagree with
this
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 statement because I think
gender
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 is not a factor in ruling the
country
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 and female
leaders
Use synonyms
 may cause more problems than males. First and foremost, it is seen that
gender
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 actually doesn’t affect any
country
Use synonyms
's work.
Firstly
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, ruling or sustaining a
country
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 needs land, power, and money. Clearly, all the
leaders
Use synonyms
 around the world try to fight for their
country
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's peace and protect residents. In special cases, others try to dominate
other land
Change the wording
another land
other lands
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 to benefit from it.
Secondly
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, it is witnessed that some
leader
Fix the agreement mistake
leaders
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women
Use synonyms
 in history have been even more aggressive than men.
Women
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also
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 have impulse war like a man, which both were under the control of
country
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 rule or its federal.
For instance
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,
Women
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 like Queen Elizabeth or Cleopatra used to start a war which
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
 hardly
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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balance between countries.
Consequently
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, a man or a woman can’t make their own decision but be controlled by power and prestige. On the one hand, females can make more mistakes even in jobs or other life missions if they are in high positions.
Firstly
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,
women
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 tend to be emotional, not rational. Clearly, to be a leader, people must have a tough mind against the provoke of other
leaders
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 or unforeseen situations, in which
women
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 may make an error
while
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 facing it.
Therefore
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, catastrophic consequences may happen if
women
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 don’t keep their emotions.
Secondly
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, there is an inherent role in which
women
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 need to take care family and raise children, which appear the question of whether will they both manage nurturing children and leading a
country
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. The result will be in crisis if they fail one of the big two missions. In conclusion,
gender
Use synonyms
 isn’t a specific thing to become a leader and females may make more mistakes
while
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 they are in the high position

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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