IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries it is now illegal to reject someone applying for a job because of his or her age. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 nations,
while
Linking Words
 applying for a
job
Use synonyms
,
age
Use synonyms
 is not considered a required factor in the eligibility
criteria
Use synonyms
 of hiring companies and is not legal to set the same.
Although
Linking Words
 there are some positive sides to
this
Linking Words
 trend, I would argue that having no
age
Use synonyms
 limit in the selection process can have more cons
instead
Linking Words
 of having pros. To commence with, having no
age
Use synonyms
 restrictions to get any
job
Use synonyms
 increases the
competition
Use synonyms
 between the applicants. If people of every
age
Use synonyms
will be
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 eligible to get work in a particular field, it would become more competitive to get the placement in the same.
For instance
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the National Survey of India, which revealed that there were 8 lakh people who submitted the application forms for just 5
job
Use synonyms
 posts in IT (information technology) as there was no
age
Use synonyms
 restriction in the eligibility
criteria
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, it led to a huge
competition
Use synonyms
 between individuals to get the same
job
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, making
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
eligibility
criteria
Use synonyms
 easiest for any placement can result in
Correct article usage
a wastage
show examples
wastage
Replace the word
waste
show examples
 of
time
Use synonyms
 for the masses. Since, they will focus
to get
Change preposition
on getting
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 work which results in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
great
competition
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 ignoring other great companies offering
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
good options for work,
consequently
Linking Words
 wasting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crucial
time
Use synonyms
. As has been shown by the research conducted in the USA (United States of America)
that
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a
job
Use synonyms
 fair that was held in 2022, there were 5 great companies who were hiring individuals for the placement, one of them was hiring people of all ages
while
Linking Words
 other’s
criteria
Use synonyms
 for the selection was little difficult, resulting that most of individuals wasted their
time
Use synonyms
 to get employed with the first company and
hence
Linking Words
, lost their chance to get employment
due to
Linking Words
 high
competition
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I believe that there are more drawbacks to
this
Linking Words
 particular trend resulting in a huge
competition
Use synonyms
 between humans to get certain jobs and wasting their
time
Use synonyms
 to get the same.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
For a high score in coherence and cohesion, your essay should have a logical progression of ideas with clear and effective paragraphing. Aim to use a range of cohesive devices (such as linking words) and topic sentences to guide the reader smoothly from one idea to another. Furthermore, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central theme that is not repetitive and elaborated with examples or explanations.
task achievement
Your task response could be improved by fully addressing all parts of the prompt. Be sure to provide a balanced discussion if the question requires it, along with a clear opinion throughout the essay. Expand on your ideas with further explanations, and ensure your examples are directly relevant to the topic. A clear position should be maintained from the introduction to the conclusion, with a summary of the main points or your argument in the concluding paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • age discrimination
  • inclusive workplace
  • workplace diversity
  • workforce experience
  • equality in hiring
  • age-related stereotypes
  • demographic changes
  • economic growth
  • social security systems
  • consumer spending
  • non-discriminatory policies
  • bias
  • fair practices
  • retirement age
  • intergenerational collaboration
What to do next:
Look at other essays: