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Band 3.5

​​​ Nowadays many people have access to computers on a regular basis, and a large number of children play computer games.

#people #access #computers #basis #children #computer #games
In modern
life
Add a comma
,life
show examples
 the problem of many
people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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playing games on computers has
became
Change the form of the verb
become
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 a controversial issue in many countries of the world. There  are several  reasons for
this
 situation and fairy solutions are
also
 available for dealing with it which will be discussed in the
ensuring
Correct your spelling
ensuing
show examples
 paragraphs.   On the one hand,
inspite
Correct your spelling
in spite
 of the fact that computer games
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 several causes. The most significant one is that virtual
life
. One of the single
motive
Change to a plural noun
motives
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 is that
people
 are using computers
to
Replace the word
too
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 much.
As a
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
people
 get out of real
life
 and into the virtual world, which leads to crime.
On the other hand
, spending a lot of money. The
resulting
Replace the word
result
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 in individuals are
are
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
becames
Correct your spelling
becomes
became
 poor and
works
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 hard, they can
became
Change the verb form
become
show examples
 homeless without food.    There
several
Add a missing verb
are several
show examples
 actions that could be taken to solve the problems described above.
Firstly
 a simple solution would be living real
life
.
As a result
,
people
 became interested in real
life
 and became professionals.
Secondly
, when
people
 spend the money they spend on gaming they get more profit.
For instance
, to build a house or buy clothes.   In conclusion,
although
used
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 and playing video games is a serious issue in the developed world if the above steps are taken the situation will surely improve in the coming years.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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