IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

​​​ Nowadays many people have access to computers on a regular basis, and a large number of children play computer games.

#people #access #computers #basis #children #computer #games
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In modern
Use synonyms
life
Add a comma
,life
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 the problem of many
people
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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playing games on computers has
became
Change the form of the verb
become
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 a controversial issue in many countries of the world. There  are several  reasons for
this
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 situation and fairy solutions are
also
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 available for dealing with it which will be discussed in the
ensuring
Correct your spelling
ensuing
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 paragraphs.   On the one hand,
inspite
Correct your spelling
in spite
 of the fact that computer games
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 several causes. The most significant one is that virtual
life
Use synonyms
. One of the single
motive
Change to a plural noun
motives
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 is that
people
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 are using computers
to
Replace the word
too
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 much.
As a
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result
Add a comma
,result
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people
Use synonyms
 get out of real
life
Use synonyms
 and into the virtual world, which leads to crime.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, spending a lot of money. The
resulting
Replace the word
result
show examples
 in individuals are
are
Remove the redundancy
apply
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becames
Correct your spelling
becomes
became
 poor and
works
Wrong verb form
working
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 hard, they can
became
Change the verb form
become
show examples
 homeless without food.    There
several
Add a missing verb
are several
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 actions that could be taken to solve the problems described above.
Firstly
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 a simple solution would be living real
life
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.
As a result
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,
people
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 became interested in real
life
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 and became professionals.
Secondly
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, when
people
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 spend the money they spend on gaming they get more profit.
For instance
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, to build a house or buy clothes.   In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
used
Wrong verb form
using
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computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
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 and playing video games is a serious issue in the developed world if the above steps are taken the situation will surely improve in the coming years.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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