Nowadays many people have access to computers on a regular basis, and a large number of children play computer games.

#people #access #computers #basis #children #computer #games

In modern

life

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,life

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the problem of many

people

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

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playing games on computers has

became

Change the form of the verb

become

show examples

a controversial issue in many countries of the world. There are several reasons for

this

situation and fairy solutions are

also

available for dealing with it which will be discussed in the

ensuring

Correct your spelling

ensuing

show examples

paragraphs. On the one hand,

inspite

Correct your spelling

in spite

of the fact that computer games

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

several causes. The most significant one is that virtual

life

. One of the single

motive

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motives

show examples

is that

people

are using computers

Replace the word

too

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much.

As a

result

Add a comma

,result

show examples

people

get out of real

life

and into the virtual world, which leads to crime.

On the other hand

, spending a lot of money. The

resulting

Replace the word

result

show examples

in individuals are

are

Remove the redundancy

apply

show examples

becames

Correct your spelling

becomes

became

poor and

works

Wrong verb form

working

show examples

hard, they can

became

Change the verb form

become

show examples

homeless without food. There

several

Add a missing verb

are several

show examples

actions that could be taken to solve the problems described above.

Firstly

a simple solution would be living real

life

As a result

people

became interested in real

life

and became professionals.

Secondly

, when

people

spend the money they spend on gaming they get more profit.

For instance

, to build a house or buy clothes. In conclusion,

although

used

Wrong verb form

using

show examples

computer

Fix the agreement mistake

computers

show examples

and playing video games is a serious issue in the developed world if the above steps are taken the situation will surely improve in the coming years.

Submitted by ieltsteaching0 on Sun Jun 11 2023

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

217 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

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​​​ Nowadays many people have access to computers on a regular basis, and a large number of children play computer games.

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

International travel is becoming cheaper, and more and more countries open their door to tourists. Do the advantages of increased tourism outweigh its disadvantages?

The first car appeared on British roads in 1888. By the year 2000 there may be as many as 29 million vehicles on British roads. Alternative forms of transport should be encouraged and international laws introduced to control car ownership and use. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree of disagree with this statement?

The older people who need employment have to compete with younger ones. What problems can this create? What are some solutions?

Nowadays many people have access to computers on a regular basis, and a large number of children play computer games.