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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #changes #percentage #people #australia #town #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The charts illustrate the percentage of
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
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which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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born in
Australia
Use synonyms
 and outside
Australia
Use synonyms
 who live in urban,
and
Correct word choice
apply
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rural and city in 1995 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
city
Add an article
the city
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 is the most popular place to live for both Australians and non-Australians in those years ,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
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 more
people
Use synonyms
 moved to town compared to 1995. As described in the given charts, around half of the total
people
Use synonyms
 who were born in
Australia
Use synonyms
 in 1995 lived in urban
areas
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 and those numbers increased to more than 60
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2010.
However
Linking Words
, the number of citizens
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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in town and rural
areas
Use synonyms
 decreased in 2010 compared to 1995. In 2010, there
was
Change the verb form
were
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 around 15 per cent households in both towns and rural
areas
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.
People
Use synonyms
 who
born
Add a missing verb
were born
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 outside
Australia
Use synonyms
 chose cities as their place to live with approximately 60
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 in 1995 and significantly rose in 2010 which
80
Add a missing verb
was 80
show examples
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, there were 40
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who lived in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 moved to other
areas
Use synonyms
 and 15 years later, less than 10
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
lived
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
here.
Submitted by henypurwantisl94 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words australia, people, areas, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "moved" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Demographic
  • Trends
  • Urban areas
  • Rural areas
  • Town
  • Native-born
  • Foreign-born
  • Migration patterns
  • Economic factors
  • Government policies
  • Increase
  • Decrease
  • Steady
  • Peak
  • Trough
  • Time frame
  • Significant changes
  • Distribution
  • Notable
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