IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

nowadays people all over the world are spending more and more time apart from their families why is this happening how does it affect people and their families

Recently, individuals throughout the world are spending a considerable amount of time away from their loved ones rather than in the past. Urbanization
act
Verb problem
plays
show examples
 a main role in
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon and
also
Linking Words
 leads to terrible consequences
such
Linking Words
 as decreased family bonds and the development of family-related issues.
Firstly
Linking Words
, ever since human socialization their habitats
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 developed based on the cities. After the Industrial,revolution all megacities were developed with all necessary amenities like infrastructure facilities and industries.
As a result
Linking Words
 of that migration has been happening throughout history for the purpose of seeking better jobs and living conditions. Under the present economic,development
this
Linking Words
 incident has been occurring unprecedently.
According to
Linking Words
 the survey carried out by the sociology department of Colombo University, 55% of the entire workforce in the Colombo area consists of persons who
are came
Wrong verb form
come
show examples
 from remote areas and the majority of them are male.
Hence
Linking Words
such
Linking Words
 kind of job-seeking movement is the main reason for keeping them away from home.
Secondly
Linking Words
, Sri Lankan society has
been
Verb problem
apply
show examples
traditionally
holding
Wrong verb form
held
show examples
 male dominant culture
therefore
Linking Words
, the father is the breadwinner of the family. When fathers are living away from their families it
is caused
Wrong verb form
causes
show examples
bad consequences in the family context. Mainly it affects the well-being of its members.The latest statistics in the judicial sector revealed that married couples who are living for long periods of time separately tend to end
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their married life. So living apart from home is the main reason for a family's destruction.
Finally
Linking Words
, persons who are living apart from their families
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 been significantly increasing nowadays. Urbanization is the utmost cause of
this
Linking Words
 and
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 leads to the reduced family bond and the destruction of families.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide a clearer introduction that states the main idea and how you will discuss it. Try to make the connection between the reasons and their effects more explicit.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences to start each paragraph. This will help the reader follow your ideas better.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your conclusion summarizes the main points clearly and reflects on the introduction. It should tie the essay together.
task achievement
Use more varied and simple examples that are relevant to the points you are making. This helps to support your arguments better.
task achievement
You have a clear understanding of the topic and have provided relevant points about urbanization and its effects on family relationships.
task achievement
Your use of statistics adds some strength to your argument, giving it more credibility.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: