Nowadays children watch lot of TV and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #tv #video #games #people #activities #child’s #health

Recently,more and more

children

have excessively watched

and played

video

games

as a kind of entertainment. It's no doubt that using advanced technology brings us tremendous advantages.

However

this

trend causes several drawbacks and mental problems. In the following, I will deliberate more examples of the negative side of watching

and playing

video

games

heavily.

First,

one of the disadvantages of playing

video

games

too much is can lead to mental issues

such

as addiction.

Children

may develop a preference for using

games

rather than engaging in social activities

such

as meeting peers

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and spending good time with their families.

Hence

this

behaviour will deteriorate their communication

as well as

social skills. Many studies showed that

children

who spend more time on

actually are more predisposed to be more isolated. To tackle

this

issue, parents should put strict rules to regulate the usage of

during the week. I think parents should make sure that

children

make a good balance between online actions and offline actions.

Secondly

, the other disadvantage of using offline exercises more than physical exercises is would increase the percentage of overweight

children

. Some studies present that

children

who spend much time on their phones are more likely to be overweight. In fact, doing sports exercises has a great influence on the

children

's health. Doing sports activities not only consumes more calories but

also

reduces stress

furthermore

learn

Verb problem

it teaches

show examples

children

to be more committed and patient.

To sum up

, there are several health drawbacks of playing

video

games

such

as addiction and being overweight.

Hence

, I totally agree that

this

would cause several problems.

Submitted by fmalquran112 on Sun Jun 11 2023

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task response

The essay provides relevant examples and explanations, but the response should fully address the task question by presenting a balanced argument.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present, but the logical structure of the essay could be improved for better coherence and cohesion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

268 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays children watch lot of TV and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

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