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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The line chart compares the birth rates in China and the United States and how these rates changed over the course of 80 years starting in 1920.

The line chart compares the birth rates in China and the United States and how these rates changed over the course of 80 years starting in 1920.
The line graph illustrates the percentage of senior citizens aged 65 and over in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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three different countries namely:
Japan
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,
Sweden
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 and
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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from
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apply
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over the period of 100 years starting in 1940.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is apparent that the percentage of the aged in both three countries witnessed an upward trend.
In addition
Linking Words
, the year 1940 saw the smallest
figure
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 of aged people in
Japan
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,
Linking Words
however
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,however
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 it is predicted that the
figure
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of
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for
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 Japanese will reach the peak in 2040.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the proportion of the aged
of
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in
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Japan
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,
Sweden
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along with
Linking Words
 the USA started at around 5%, 7% and 9%, respectively.
Besides
Linking Words
, The
figure
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 for the Swedes and Americans aged rose considerably to about 14% in 1995 apart from
Japan
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, whose
the
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apply
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proportion of aged people fell minimally to approximately 3%. From 1995 to 2020, there was a significant increase in the number of senior citizens living in
Sweden
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 by 6%
whereas
Linking Words
 the
figure
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 for the Americans aged decreased marginally to around 14%. A dramatic increase was witnessed in the percentage of the aged in
Japan
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, hovering around 9%. In the following 20 years, the number of senior citizens in both countries is predicted to fluctuate over time, with
Japan
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 seeing the highest number of people in 2040.
In addition
Linking Words
, the USA is expected to grow gradually from 9% to 23% during the period. As can be seen, it is forecast that the
figure
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 for
Japan
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 will grow remarkably to the highest point ( approximately 27%)
while
Linking Words
 those in
Sweden
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 will decrease slightly by 2% in 2030
then
Linking Words
continuing
Wrong verb form
continue
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 to rise to 25% in 2040.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words japan, sweden, figure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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