Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #activities #children’s #development #computer #games

It is widely argued that it is better for the growth of children to

involve

Wrong verb form

be involved

show examples

in outdoor

activities

than to play

computer

games

. In my opinion, I completely agree with

this

view and will give several reasons for

this

in the essay below. There are some negative consequences of playing

computer

games

First,

spending time with the

computer

screen for so long results in physical health.

For example

, children playing

computer

games

may have no time to move, and easy to get obese. They are prone to diabetes and heart disease.

In addition

, less physical movement is

also

the reason for not developing their bodies

such

as bones and muscles in their formative time.

Secondly

, mental health is negatively affected by

computer

games

. Addiction to

computer

games

may lead to stress and anxiety which results in children’s concentration on the

games

and their eyes being glued to the

computer

screens.

On the other hand

, outdoor

activities

bring several positive effects on children’s development. The main advantage is that outdoor

activities

help develop strength in a strong body. With experiences in outdoor movement, they may find their interest in sports,

such

as basketball, football, or valley balls…. These habits of playing sports may continue into their adult lives and are very useful for keeping them fit and healthy. Another benefit is that different from indoor

activities

, outdoor ones are surrounded by sunshine and fresh air which build up their immune system.

As a result

, they may have a physical well-being that may lead a happy and successful life. In conclusion, for the mentioned reasons, it seems to me that children are more likely to develop better when they

involve

Wrong verb form

are involved

show examples

in outdoor

activities

, compared to

computer

games

Submitted by mtgngocanh on Tue Jun 13 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details. Use transition words to connect ideas and create a cohesive structure.

task response

Address all parts of the task question in the introduction, body, and conclusion. Support your ideas with relevant examples and develop them fully.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

285 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

Physical development
Overall health
Coordination
Foster
Social skills
Teamwork
Mental well-being
Creativity
Exploration
Strategic thinking
Problem-solving
Hand-eye coordination
Sedentary lifestyles
Social isolation
Moderation
Balanced approach
Detract
Obesity
Poor posture

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
Some pepole say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will learn basic lessons about work and becom disciplined. Others argue that teenagers should not sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to work . Discusee both views and give your opinion.
Few masses opine that students need to study and do jobs simultaneously to improvise their financial conditions, in fact, it could assist them to develop various skills and become punctual. Whereas, other group says it could impact their mental and physical well-being. From my, perspective the former criteria is a better way to teach young ones real-life experiences and in the upcoming, paragraphs I would like to shed light on both views.
4.5
band
For some people, learning in a group is the most effective method while others prefer one-on-one instruction. Discuss both ideas. What is your opinion?
People think that leraning in a group is the most effective ,while others consider that learning individuall is most effective method .We will discuss this essay in both the ideas .
<4
band
Many people believe that formal 'pen and paper' examinations are not the best method of assessing educational achievement. What is your view of examinations?
Nowadays, many people believe that the 'pen and paper method' is not relevant for the evaluation of educational performance. Others opinionated that it is the best method to evaluate the achievements of students in their curriculum activities. I agree with this notion.
6
band
In many countries, the government prioritises economic growth above all other concerns. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.
Concentrating more resources on economic growth than other sectors such as health, study and the environment is rampant in some nations. The main benefits of this are more employment opportunities and a higher standard of living; however, the key drawbacks are more sick people and lesser quality of education.
5
band
You rent a four-bedroom house which you share with two other students. However, there are several problems with this house that need fixing. You also find it expensive and would like to find another student to share the spare bedroom. Write a letter to the estate agency. In the letter: Explain your situation Describe the problem with the house Say what would you like to happen
My friend and I rent one of your houses and I’m writing to inform you about some problems that we are having.

Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some pepole say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will learn basic lessons about work and becom disciplined. Others argue that teenagers should not sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to work . Discusee both views and give your opinion.

For some people, learning in a group is the most effective method while others prefer one-on-one instruction. Discuss both ideas. What is your opinion?

Many people believe that formal 'pen and paper' examinations are not the best method of assessing educational achievement. What is your view of examinations?

In many countries, the government prioritises economic growth above all other concerns. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.