The bar chart below shows the results of a survey conducted by a personnel department at a major company. The survey was carried out on two groups of workers: those aged from 18-30 and those aged 45-60, and shows factors affecting their work performance.
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The bar chart indicates a survey
on
two different Change preposition
of
age
groups
on the factors
contributing to make
their environment pleasant for working.
These Wrong verb form
making
factors
are divided into external and internal factors
. The internal factors
are team spirit, competent
boss, respect from colleagues and Correct article usage
a competent
job
satisfaction. The external factors
are chance for personal development, job
security, promotional prospects and money.
On the internal factors
above 50% in both age
groups
agreed that team spirit, competent boss and job
satisfaction are essential to make their environment pleasant. Whereas
on the external factors
, there are contrasting results. On the chance for personal development and promotional aspects, 80% to 90% of the younger groups
were in favor
Change the spelling
favour
while
only less than 50% of the older group thought so. A similar pattern is also
noted on
Change preposition
in
job
security. With regards to money, 69% to 70% on
both Change preposition
of
age
group
said it is essential.
In conclusion, the internal Fix the agreement mistake
groups
factors
have similar responses from the two age
groups
while
they had dissimilar responses on the external factors
.Submitted by odod_aja on
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, groups, factors, job with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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