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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the advantages and disadvantages of playing games on computers by childrens .

#people #access #computers #basis #children #computer #games #childrens
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In contemporary society, the advancement of technology plays an essential role. Currently, most individuals and
children
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 can use their
computers
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 at any given time.
However
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, young
children
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 play
computer
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games
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 spending a number of hours. In
this
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 ,essay I
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 discuss what are the benefits of
computer
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games
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 and the drawbacks of playing them. First and foremost, modern
computer
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 sports have been improved day by day drastically.
Accordingly
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, the game developer has enhanced the quality of
games
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. For
instant
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instance
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,
computer
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games
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 like chess, puzzle sorting, and sudoku can be listed as brain capacity-improving activities.
Therefore
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,
children
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 who play the above
games
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 are able to enhance their thinking capacity, critical thinking and sudden decision-making skills. Those talents are important for their future life. In order to do that, gaining experience to improve the thinking pattern leads to creating a better person in society.
On the other hand
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, companies who are involved in digital sports create, and develop their graphical and performance capacity continuously. Especially, they look to catch younger.
For example
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, modern research has found,
young
Correct word choice
that young
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children
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 spend 5 hours per day facing towards
computers
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, mainly enjoying digital sports.
As a consequence
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, they experience harmful medical conditions
such
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 as decreased vision, back pains and more and more bad health effects.
Hence
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, it is vital to limit access to
computers
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 all the time.
To conclude
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, rather than spending numerous hours in front of the
computers
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, parents should limit the allocated time for using
computers
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.
Furthermore
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, there are plenty of strengths and weaknesses that can be observed in the usage of
computer
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games
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.
Finally
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, to make a better world elders should establish a control system to protect their younger generation.
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coherence cohesion
The introduction does not clearly address the prompt, and the conclusion is abrupt. Try to clearly state the main points and provide a more conclusive ending.
task achievement
The essay does not fully address the advantages and disadvantages of playing computer games. Make sure to provide a balanced discussion of both the positive and negative aspects of the topic.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive abilities
  • problem-solving skills
  • hand-eye coordination
  • spatial awareness
  • critical thinking
  • mental development
  • educational and interactive games
  • simulation games
  • social skills
  • teamwork and collaboration
  • communication and leadership abilities
  • global friendships
  • recreational activities
  • stress relief
  • physical health issues
  • poor posture
  • eye strain
  • repetitive strain injuries
  • gaming addiction
  • social isolation
  • depression and anxiety
  • academic performance
  • time management skills
  • inappropriate content
  • violent games
  • parental supervision
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