IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the advantages and disadvantages of playing games on computers by childrens .

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Start now →
Introduction
In contemporary society, the advancement of technology plays an essential role. Currently, most individuals and
children
Use synonyms
 can use their
computers
Use synonyms
 at any given time.
However
Linking Words
, young
children
Use synonyms
 play
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 spending a number of hours. In
this
Linking Words
 ,essay I
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 discuss what are the benefits of
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 and the drawbacks of playing them.
Body · 1
First and foremost, modern
computer
Use synonyms
 sports have been improved day by day drastically.
Accordingly
Linking Words
, the game developer has enhanced the quality of
games
Use synonyms
. For
instant
Replace the word
instance
show examples
,
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 like chess, puzzle sorting, and sudoku can be listed as brain capacity-improving activities.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 who play the above
games
Use synonyms
 are able to enhance their thinking capacity, critical thinking and sudden decision-making skills. Those talents are important for their future life. In order to do that, gaining experience to improve the thinking pattern leads to creating a better person in society.
Body · 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, companies who are involved in digital sports create, and develop their graphical and performance capacity continuously. Especially, they look to catch younger.
For example
Linking Words
, modern research has found,
young
Correct word choice
that young
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 spend 5 hours per day facing towards
computers
Use synonyms
, mainly enjoying digital sports.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, they experience harmful medical conditions
such
Linking Words
 as decreased vision, back pains and more and more bad health effects.
Hence
Linking Words
, it is vital to limit access to
computers
Use synonyms
 all the time.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, rather than spending numerous hours in front of the
computers
Use synonyms
, parents should limit the allocated time for using
computers
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there are plenty of strengths and weaknesses that can be observed in the usage of
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, to make a better world elders should establish a control system to protect their younger generation.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The introduction does not clearly address the prompt, and the conclusion is abrupt. Try to clearly state the main points and provide a more conclusive ending.
task achievement
The essay does not fully address the advantages and disadvantages of playing computer games. Make sure to provide a balanced discussion of both the positive and negative aspects of the topic.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive abilities
  • problem-solving skills
  • hand-eye coordination
  • spatial awareness
  • critical thinking
  • mental development
  • educational and interactive games
  • simulation games
  • social skills
  • teamwork and collaboration
  • communication and leadership abilities
  • global friendships
  • recreational activities
  • stress relief
  • physical health issues
  • poor posture
  • eye strain
  • repetitive strain injuries
  • gaming addiction
  • social isolation
  • depression and anxiety
  • academic performance
  • time management skills
  • inappropriate content
  • violent games
  • parental supervision
What to do next:
Look at other essays: