Nowadays, children spend too much time watching TV and playing computer games. Some people believe this has negative effects on children's mental abilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #time #tv #computer #games #people #effects #abilities

Spending

time

Change preposition

apply

show examples

watching

television

, watching

video

Fix the agreement mistake

videos

show examples

, and playing computer

games

is valuable for kids.

However

, others said that

this

can be negative

affects

Correct your spelling

effects

show examples

for

Change preposition

show examples

children

. In

this

essay

Add a comma

,essay

show examples

I will explain the opinions from both

point

Change to a plural noun

points

show examples

views

Fix the agreement mistake

view

show examples

. Playing

video

games

, watching

movie

Fix the agreement mistake

movies

show examples

, and watching

television

could be advantageous for

child

Fix the agreement mistake

children

show examples

. It is because they can learn, improve their self, and

sharp

Replace the word

sharpen

show examples

their logical thinking from that platforms. They can spend the

time

Change preposition

apply

show examples

watching the

video

television

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

self-learning platforms and get

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

points or messages from what they see, hear, and do.

For example

children

can use YouTube (

video

streaming platform) to learn and improve

the

Change the word

their

show examples

English skill by watching

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and hearing and they can imitate the pronunciation from the native speaker who

teach

Change the verb form

teaches

show examples

or upload the

video

Change preposition

show examples

YouTube.

Moreover

, they can advance their logical thinking by playing brain exercise

video

games

to solve

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

problems.

However

, allocating

time

for having fun

to watch

Change the verb form

watching

show examples

the

television

video

, and

play

Wrong verb form

playing

show examples

computer

games

also

gives drawback effects for kindergartens. It can make

they

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

are to be lazy, easy to get angry or

Add a missing verb

have tantrum

show examples

tantrum

Fix the agreement mistake

tantrums

show examples

. When

children

feel comfortable with

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

activities

-they will spend more

time

and

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

not do other or important

activities

(

such

as doing homework, taking a bath, or eating)-

as a

result

Add a comma

,result

show examples

they will be lazy.

Additionally

, when the parents give

instruction

Fix the agreement mistake

instructions

show examples

to stop

they

Correct your spelling

the

show examples

activities

for spending

time

with those

activities

, they will avoid it and will

angry

Add a missing verb

be angry

show examples

if the parents interrupt it. In summary, I agree that spending

time

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

watching the

television

video

, and playing

games

for

Change preposition

with

show examples

childrens

Correct your spelling

children

show examples

can

effect

Correct your spelling

affect

show examples

their cognitive functions in their brain

due to

the fact that the brain is a main role

Change preposition

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

intelligence and physical

activities

However

, we should help

children

's mental abilities through various

Change preposition

apply

show examples

methods with fun and effective ways, which are watching TV and playing computer

games

can be alternative solutions.

Submitted by frens on Fri Jun 16 2023

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
36Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

319 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays, children spend too much time watching TV and playing computer games. Some people believe this has negative effects on children's mental abilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In many countries, people are now living longer than before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for government. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extend do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the cases?Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

University students often focus on one subject. However, some people think that universities should encourage students to learn a range of other subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?