Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#countries #service #men #school #idea #system #women

Numerous countries have the rule that the youth must join the military after they finish high school. Many people opine that

this

would be a good choice and all nations can follow

this

However

, I completely disagree with

this

statement. Three arguments for disagreement are explained below

along with

the conclusion. First of all,

one

should be able to choose their profession independently.

This

cannot be forced on someone. Because

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

one

may have the potential and talent to be successful in another profession. So, if forcefully given a responsibility

then

it will not bring good things in the long run.

For example

, Jack Ma, the founder of Ali Baba had been rejected 24 times from the interviews. But, when he started a business, he was so successful that now he is

one

of the highest wealthy people in the world.

Hence

, any responsibility must not be given by default.

Secondly

, the military is a very challenging job There

Change the verb form

are

show examples

too many risks in

this

profession.

For example

, a military person must have to join the war if it occurs.

Also

Add a comma

,Also

show examples

they have to respond to any national emergency. Since

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

everyone does not have the same courage to do

this

job that's why it should not be forced.

Thirdly

this

one

kind of brain drain.

one

may be doing well in the commercial job which does not mean he will do well in the military service.

For instance

one

may have significant proficiency in

programing

Add an article

a programing

the programing

show examples

language, so if he goes to military service

then

his brain will be a waste. In conclusion, I strongly disagree with the view of joining military service after school since it will cause fear, and anxiety in many people.

Also

, the young boy who is not interested will end up

Change preposition

with

show examples

something worst.

Submitted by Md. Anwar Hossain on Mon Jun 19 2023

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

298 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.5

Complete response

8.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Compulsory
Military service
Conscription
Patriotism
National security
Social equality
Discipline
Physical fitness
Life skills
Job training
Infringement
Conscripts
Gender equality
Mandatory
Economy
Education system
Labor market
Civil service
Alternative forms
Balanced view

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