The bar chart below shows the average Australian water consumption in selected cities for las year. The pie chart shows the distribution of Australian water consumption for last year

The bar chart below shows the average Australian water consumption in selected cities for las year. The pie chart shows the distribution of Australian water consumption for last year
The bar chart illustrates the average
water
used in 6 different cities (Sydney,
Perth
, Adelaide, Brisbane, Melbourne and Canberra )in Australia in 2014 ,
whereas
the pie chart depicts the distribution of
water
consumption in many sectors of life in that period. In general,
Perth
was the largest
water
use each year
while
Canberra was the lowest.
Moreover
, in terms of the distribution of
water
consumption, agriculture was the most popular
sector
using
water
in those cities
while
mining was the smallest. turning to the details
it is clear that
an average of 300-kilo litre of
water
was consumed in
Perth
and
then
followed by Brisbane, Adelaide, and Sydney at 250, 230 and 200-kilo litre per year respectively. Canberra just only consumed twice as much as
Perth
at about 140-kilo litre. Meanwhile, 67 % of
water
was used for the agriculture
sector
in Australia. Electricity & gas and
water
supply, sewage and drainage supply were as same as one another at 7 % in
water
consumption. households were the second
sector
using
water
at that time at 9 % which is twice as larger as manufacturing and other industries just only 4 %. Mining was the least
sector
that consuming
water
just 2 % in those cities.
Submitted by ieltscuns2022 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words water, perth, sector with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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