The bar chart below shows the average Australian water consumption in selected cities for las year. The pie chart shows the distribution of Australian water consumption for last year

The bar chart below shows the average Australian water consumption in selected cities for las year. The pie chart shows the distribution of Australian water consumption for last year
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The bar chart illustrates the average
water
Use synonyms
used in 6 different cities (Sydney,
Perth
Use synonyms
, Adelaide, Brisbane, Melbourne and Canberra )in Australia in 2014 ,
whereas
Linking Words
the pie chart depicts the distribution of
water
Use synonyms
consumption in many sectors of life in that period. In general,
Perth
Use synonyms
was the largest
water
Use synonyms
use each year
while
Linking Words
Canberra was the lowest.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in terms of the distribution of
water
Use synonyms
consumption, agriculture was the most popular
sector
Use synonyms
using
water
Use synonyms
in those cities
while
Linking Words
mining was the smallest. turning to the details
it is clear that
Linking Words
an average of 300-kilo litre of
water
Use synonyms
was consumed in
Perth
Use synonyms
and
then
Linking Words
followed by Brisbane, Adelaide, and Sydney at 250, 230 and 200-kilo litre per year respectively. Canberra just only consumed twice as much as
Perth
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at about 140-kilo litre. Meanwhile, 67 % of
water
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was used for the agriculture
sector
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in Australia. Electricity & gas and
water
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supply, sewage and drainage supply were as same as one another at 7 % in
water
Use synonyms
consumption. households were the second
sector
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using
water
Use synonyms
at that time at 9 % which is twice as larger as manufacturing and other industries just only 4 %. Mining was the least
sector
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that consuming
water
Use synonyms
just 2 % in those cities.
Submitted by ieltscuns2022 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words water, perth, sector with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • average consumption
  • variation
  • sector
  • distribution
  • residential use
  • agricultural use
  • industrial use
  • water conservation
  • sustainability
  • resource management
  • urban areas
  • climate impact
  • water usage policy
  • per capita consumption
  • infrastructure
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