IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Two pie charts Show a comparison of the proporsional of People with diffirent degressiyasi and profession (arts.science.) who worked in an Engineering Company in 1980 and 2008.

Two pie charts Show a comparison of the proporsional of People with diffirent degressiyasi and profession (arts.science.) who worked in an Engineering Company in 1980 and 2008.
The two pie charts Compare the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of six categories (
phdsience
Correct your spelling
presence
, masters
science
Use synonyms
,
first
Use synonyms
Degrez
Correct your spelling
Degree
science
Use synonyms
) of
working
Add an article
the working
a working
show examples
Use synonyms
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
 1980 and 2008. It is noticeable that the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
first
Add a hyphen
first-degree
show examples
degree
Use synonyms
 arts experienced a significant fall over the
28 year
Add a hyphen
28-year
show examples
 period
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 figure for
Use synonyms
first
Add a hyphen
first-degree
show examples
degree
Use synonyms
science
Use synonyms
 and PhD
science
Use synonyms
 saw a big rose.In 1980,25% an average worked Engineering company went on
first
Use synonyms
degree
Use synonyms
 arts which is the second largest pie of the chart,
however
Linking Words
, by 2008 the figure for
this
Linking Words
 category had fallen by 11% .
By contrast
Linking Words
, in
terma
Correct your spelling
terms
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
first
Add a hyphen
first-degree
show examples
degree
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
science
Add a comma
,science
show examples
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of working
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
in this
show examples
 category made up 19% in 1980 and after 28 year
period
Add a comma
,period
show examples
this
Linking Words
 figure saw
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 increase
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 28%.The smallest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of working belonged to PhD arts in the
first
Use synonyms
 years,
however
Linking Words
 next year period there was
5
Correct article usage
a 5
show examples
% rose in
this
Linking Words
 category.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, science, first, degree with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: