IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

It is often said that the subjects taught in schools are too academic in orientation and that it would be more useful for children to learn about practical matters such as home management, work and interpersonal skills.  To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#subjects #schools #orientation #children #matters #home #management #work #skills
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some believe that the education in schools
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 too academic in orientation and suggest a more practical approach. In my opinion, learning practical skills is more important because
this
 will prepare the students for adulthood, in both private and professional life.
Moreover
, subjects taught
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in practice result in faster and longer-lasting learning. School is the ground where children learn how to do things when they become adults.
Therefore
, training communication and workshops in organising
ones
Change to a genitive case
one's
show examples
 everyday tasks
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 will enable greater social building and work possibilities.
For example
, a student
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 uses most of his or her time on reading and memorizing
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 would lack the proper language and tools to function in some social settings.
Likewise
,
spesific
Correct your spelling
specific
 task in managing time at school eases balancing work and family tasks. Humans have
greater
Add an article
a greater
show examples
 ability to learn by acting on what they have learnt, rather than just
read
Wrong verb form
reading
show examples
 or listen to a lecture. Research
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 shown that students learn faster when they can see, hear or participate in the learning process by them
selfs
Correct your spelling
selves
show examples
.
In contrast
 to academic learning, a skill which
is learn
Change the verb form
is learned
is learning
show examples
 in practice will not be forgotten easily. In conclusion, schools should focus more on practical matters in my opinion. Because, if students train practical skills from childhood they would have a better social life, both in private and in public life.
I
Correct your spelling
In
show examples
 addition, new studies
proves
Change the verb form
prove
show examples
 that
hands-on
Correct article usage
a hands-on
show examples
 approach
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 learning is superior to an academic orientation.
Submitted by sayedn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: