IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Studies show that crime rates are lower among those with educational degrees. Therefore, the best way to reduce the crime rate is to educate criminals while they are still in prison. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#studies #show #crime #rates #degrees #rate #criminals #prison
studies
indicates
Change the verb form
indicate
show examples
 that educational degree is one of
main
Add an article
the main
show examples
 causes of crime reduction in a country,
Therefore
, educating
criminals
 in prison is the best approach to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime. In the following
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
essay. I will discuss why I disagree with
this
 statement. The problem of
criminal
Correct article usage
a criminal
show examples
 and a person who
commit
Correct subject-verb agreement
commits
show examples
 a crime depend
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 various factors.
education
 has
limited
Correct article usage
a limited
show examples
 impact on
criminals
.
In
Correct your spelling
It
show examples
 is correct that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a positive influence
toward
Change preposition
on
show examples
criminals
 but it is unlikely to eradicate criminal tendencies. A criminal might
suffering
Change the verb form
suffer
be suffering
show examples
 from socio-economic
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
. mental health issue,
criminal
Correct word choice
and criminal
show examples
 under the influence of drugs. In
this
case
Add a comma
,case
show examples
education
 might not be the best approach for these people.
However
, Some individuals believe that
education
 might work for everybody in prison. The government might erect some places in prison for the
criminals
 to study how to behave well in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
society.
In
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
 some psychologists might be recruited to
to
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
get to know the prisoners because everybody has different preferences
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 learning.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 the instructors might explain some of
important
Add an article
the important
show examples
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
 of
prisoner’s
Correct article usage
a prisoner’s
show examples
 existence and how they would have
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 effect on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society as a whole. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 I disagree with
this
. and it is because a person who has a mental issue does not care about
education
. In conclusion,
education
 has
limited
Correct article usage
a limited
show examples
 impact on
criminals
 and it is not likely to eliminate criminal tendencies.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 some people argue that
education
 might work for prisoners. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 a person who has a mental problem does not care about
education
.
Submitted by mohammad.saffarian on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: