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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph illustrates the proportion of pattern changes of domestic access to modern technology in homes in the United Kingdom.

The graph illustrates the proportion of pattern changes of domestic access to modern technology in homes in the United Kingdom.
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The graph illustrates the proportion of pattern changes
of
Change preposition
in
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 domestic
access
Use synonyms
 to modern technology in homes in the United Kingdom.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest percentage of
access
Use synonyms
 to technology was in CD
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
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,
while
Linking Words
 other patterns had some fluctuations over the period. Internet
access
Use synonyms
 had the lowest percentage. As
graph
Add an article
the graph
show examples
 shows, CD
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
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 began
with
Change preposition
at
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 60% in 1996 and 1997 years and
then
Linking Words
 increased steadily to nearly 82% in 2002-2003. Internet
access
Use synonyms
 started in 1998-1999 at about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
10% and rose to just over 40% in 2002 and 2003 years.
Home
Add an article
The home
A home
show examples
 computer was higher than
Mobile
Add an article
the Mobile
a Mobile
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 phone in 1996-1997 with about 30%.
However
Linking Words
 in 2000 and
2001
Add a comma
,2001
show examples
 Mobile pulled ahead
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 about 45%. Afterwards, there was
noticeable
Correct article usage
a noticeable
show examples
 increase to about 70%,
while
Linking Words
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 rose to almost 55% gradually
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the period.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words access with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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