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Band 4

some prople argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. discuss both views and give your opinion.

#prople #job #money #salary #life
Some
people
 believe that it is more significant to have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
delightful
work
 than to get a lot of
money
.Other
people
 disagree and assume that a high income
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
 to
greater
Fix the agreement mistake
a better
show examples
 life.
Although
 there are good arguments in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of having an enjoyable
job
,I personally believe that our mental health and our physical condition are much more important than the
money
 earned. The main reason why I believe that will have a negative impact on health. As we know, the physical and emotional state is very important for an employee.When
person
Add an article
a person
show examples
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
 pressure from
work
 it leads to some mental illness.
Thus
 it is better to
work
 at a pleasant
job
 get less
money
 and be happy.
For example
, an artist drawing pictures enjoys the process and does not always get enough
money
. That’s why every person should feel happiness and joy at
work
. I make it clear that I disagree with
Add an article
the
show examples
view that a high income
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
 to
greater
Correct article usage
a greater
show examples
 life.
Our days
Correct pronoun usage
Days
show examples
 all
people
 on the planet need
money
 to eat, buy clothes, pay taxes.,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it will lead to some emotional suffering.It’s the most common problem in society when community effort just to earn
bill
Correct article usage
a bill
show examples
 and every individual with the same issue does not want to wake up in the morning to go to
job
. A human becomes puzzled, sad and more stressed.
For instance
 ,
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 individual who works in an office day after day gradually loses interest., and comes to
effort
Correct article usage
an effort
show examples
 with an unwillingness to
job
, and in his
soul
Add a comma
soul,
show examples
 he has
hatred
Add an article
a hatred
show examples
 for what he does. And to a greater extent,
this
 salary will not bring
people
 joy.Perhaps in the
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
future
Add a comma
future,
show examples
this
 will lead him to quit his profession
due to
 emotional burnout. In conclusion,I would say that the choice is up to each individual.
While
 working at a favourite place,
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 individual will feel confident and comfortable. Perhaps a person will not be depressed and feel stressed.
Moreover
 , the fact that
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 earn a lot of cash, you can spend your energy. And health is difficult to restore.
Submitted by aishushka2002 on

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task response
Expand on the arguments presented and provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks proper introduction and conclusion. Ensure that you provide a clear introduction, develop the body paragraphs cohesively, and sum up the arguments in the conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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