IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Professional sports are a very large industry in the world today. The most elite players can get contracts worth many millions of dollars. Some say there is too much money in sports and that it defeats the purpose of the actual game. Do you agree or disagree with the statement?

#sports #industry #world #elite #players #contracts #millions #dollars #say #money #defeats #purpose #game
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Although
 someone may only see a
sports
 match essence on who will win or lose, professional
sports
 have some other value that can give many positive
impact
Change to a plural noun
impacts
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 others. Professional
sports
 as an industry is often what makes some
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 unite to support their own team even though it would cost a large sum of
money
 both through the pocket of the governments and the supporters. The most apparent example of unity that
sports
 help to form can be seen from the World Cup where every
country
 would show their support and hoping their
country
 to be the winning team.
This
 shows how the intent of the actual game is now not limited to only being the best team that can win and defeat others but
also
 how it can unite different groups of people and affect them in a positive way. Seeing the massive scale of the matches, it is no wonder there
are
Change the verb form
is
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 a large sum of
money
 that would be transacted in them. The elite players
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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who are selected to be
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the matches have passed many rigorous trainings and tests that for some people may seem easy for the large sum of
money
 that they will earn. Rather than focusing on how much the elite players earn, what I would consider more important is how they would spend their
money
 in return. In the
country
 where I live, the successful elite players often have their own training
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 where they train youth athletes that seek to become a professional in their field of sport.
This
 was often done for no cost as it is used as a platform for them to give back to their
country
 that helped support them.
This
 shows how there are many positive things that can be gained from the
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 industry which
also
 will affect many
group
Change to a plural noun
groups
show examples
 of people.
Submitted by febrinhidayat on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • elite players
  • contracts worth millions
  • economically rewarded
  • generate significant revenues
  • ticket sales
  • merchandise
  • advertising
  • employment opportunities
  • commercial enterprise
  • entertainment culture
  • critics argue
  • inherent qualities
  • teamwork
  • physical fitness
  • financial emphasis
  • mental health
  • personal lives
  • unethical behaviors
  • doping
  • sustain performance
  • socially beneficial endeavors
  • grassroots sports facilities
  • access to sports
  • underprivileged communities
  • incentivize athletes
  • strive for excellence
  • inspiring future athletes
What to do next:
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