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Writing Samples
Band 8

The chart below shows the percentage of the day working adults spent doing different activities in a particular country in 1958 and in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the percentage of the day working adults spent doing different activities in a particular country in 1958 and in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie chart illustrates the proportion of a day spent doing various activities by adults who are working in one nation in the years 1958 and 2008.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 people spent most of their
time
Use synonyms
 working, followed by sleeping.
Besides
Linking Words
, there was an upward tendency in the
time
Use synonyms
 they travelled to work and worked,
whereas
Linking Words
 sleeping and going out
time
Use synonyms
 was reduced. People
also
Linking Words
 tended to spend more
time
Use synonyms
 relaxing at home during the observed period. As can be seen, in 1958, working accounted for the largest proportion, at a third of the
time
Use synonyms
 spent in a day, followed by sleeping with 32%. Individuals preferred hanging out with their friends or family after work as it comprised 19% of the
time
Use synonyms
 to relaxing at home which took up only 8%. Over the next 5 decades, it seemed like people would spend more
time
Use synonyms
 working than sleeping.
While
Linking Words
 working made up 42%, sleeping
time
Use synonyms
 was reduced to only a quarter.
Instead
Linking Words
,
time
Use synonyms
 spent on travelling to work rose to 8%
due to
Linking Words
 the increase in traffic congestion. The amount of going out
time
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 decreased to only 6%,
while
Linking Words
 the figure for unwinding at home climbed to 13%.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
time
Use synonyms
 spent on other activities remained unchanged during the years.
Submitted by danphamngocha on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reduced" was used 2 times.
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