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Band 4.5

ome people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#ome #people #situation #job #shortage #money #situations
In the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 world have two type of
people
, the first
that is
 suffered from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
difficulties time in their
life
 and suppose
that is
 the best solution to settle down
whereas
 some hold
that is
 behind the times and make a decision to breakthrough their
life
. Obviously, in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
people
 who want to improve their
life
 will
better
Add a missing verb
do better
show examples
 than some
choose
Correct pronoun usage
who choose
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 to suffer. On the one hand, some do believe the lowest facility of their
life
 is the best
due to
 doing some light work along the lines of
livestream
Correct article usage
a livestream
show examples
 or part-time job.
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
 some don'
t
 want to get out of
the
Change the word
their
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 comfort zone probably
they
Correct word choice
because they
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 want to settle down and safety. They point out the disabilities who are
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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significantly
defected
Replace the word
defective
show examples
 and they can'
t
 choose their own dreams and probably know it's lucky for them to have a job, but we can'
t
 deny that they don'
t
 have the talent.
Besides
 others fall into
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
terrible circumstances and obviously they can deal with
this
 but they find a way to avoid
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 rather than
tackle
Correct pronoun usage
ittackle
show examples
.
On the other hand
, I suppose that
people
 who have a purpose in their
life
 will rather than some astray.
Person
Fix the agreement mistake
People
show examples
 who every now and
then
 sleep on it about the
improve
Change the verb form
improved
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 quality of their
life
 will have a good
physically
Change the word
physical
show examples
 and
mentally
Change the word
mental
show examples
.
Besides
 society need someone who are adapt
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 tasks and just only that thing will bring
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
improvement in the world. For the reasons mentioned above, I argued that
people
 had better
development
Replace the word
develop
show examples
 their
life
instead
 of accepting them.
Submitted by hnphu79 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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