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Writing Samples
Band 4

The table below shows the propotion of different categories of families living in poverty in Australia in 1999. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The table below shows the propotion of different categories of families living in poverty in Australia in 1999. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
#propotion #categories #families #poverty #australia #summarise #information #features #comparison
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The given table demonstrates the percentage of
families
Use synonyms
 living with scarcity in Australia in 1999.
Overall
Linking Words
, It can be clearly seen that single parents live with
greatest
Change the article
the greatest
show examples
 rate of poverty
while
Linking Words
elder
Add an article
the elder
an elder
show examples
 couple has a little percentage of difficulties. Looking at
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 details,
single
Add an article
a single
show examples
 parent has faced
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 biggest shortage than other kinds of
families
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the highest rate was 21% of the population, representing 933,000 people,
whereas
Linking Words
 the lowest
propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 was
older
Add an article
an older
show examples
couple
Fix the agreement mistake
couples
show examples
 with only 4% of the population, representing 48000 people.
According to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
rates
Fix the agreement mistake
rate
show examples
, family of both parent with their kids was spending their life with
12
Correct article usage
a 12
show examples
% average of poverty and
1999
Change preposition
in 1999
show examples
, 933,000 of these
families
Use synonyms
 were in Australia. It is a substantial amount than other categories. In
contemporary
Add an article
the contemporary
show examples
 era,
significant
Change the article
a significant
the significant
show examples
 number of 211,000 couples have decided to live without toddlers, but they had to suffer from
7
Correct article usage
a 7
show examples
% rate of
deciciency
Correct your spelling
deficiency
.
conversely
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 some
indiviuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 were living without any partner or kids, they had a considerable quantity of financial shortage compared with other
families
Use synonyms
. It
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 recorded as 19% and 359,000
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people.
However
Linking Words
, during
this
Linking Words
 year, all residents confronted about 11% of poverty. It was 1,837,000 amount from
whole
Change the article
the whole
show examples
 population
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 Australia.
Submitted by yohanigallage99 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words families with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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