The two graphs below show the percentage of smokers and the consumption of alcohol in litres in selected countries for the period 1960-2000.

#two #graphs #show #percentage #smokers #consumption #alcohol #litres #countries #period

The first line graph illustrates the percentage of people who smoke daily in the

USA

Japan and

Holland

while

the second graph depicts how much alcohol is consumed in litres per person in Turkey,

Holland

and

USA

. Both studies are done over a period of 40 years which began in 1960.

Overall

, the number of smokers decreased from 1960 to 2000,

while

the rate of alcohol consumption increased during the same period of time. The percentage of smokers in Japan gradually dropped from 50 % in 1960 to roughly 40 in 2000. At the same time in

Correct article usage

the USA

show examples

USA

Add a comma

,USA

show examples

their number halved from 40 to nearly 20

percent

Change the spelling

per cent

show examples

Holland

, in the first decade, noticed the highest rate of people who smoke, but after 1980 it became similar to Japan. What does the alochol consumtion shows? In Turkey, alcohol consumption slightly grew by just only 1%

percent

Change the spelling

per cent

show examples

. It is evident that in

Holland

, the number of litres drank per person has considerably

grew

Change the verb form

grown

show examples

from under 4 to nearly 11 in just 20 years. In

1980c

Correct article usage

the 1980c

show examples

, the

USA

also

reached its peak but

then

both countries show a gradual decrease.

Submitted by iftenevlad on Thu Jun 29 2023

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words usa, holland with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.

▼

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

188 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The two graphs below show the percentage of smokers and the consumption of alcohol in litres in selected countries for the period 1960-2000.

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, as important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Because of the global economy, many goods including what we use as everyday basics produced by other countries have to be transported for a long distance. TO what extent do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Should high school students be required to study many different subjects at the same time, or should they study only three or four subjects at a time? Do you agree or disagree?