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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, families are not as close as in the past and a lot of people have become used to this. Why is this happening? Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the drawbacks? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

Nowadays, families are not as close as in the past and a lot of people have become used to this. Why is this happening? Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the drawbacks? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.
#families #people #trend
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These days, many families do not have close relationships as in the past and numerous
people
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 have adopted
this
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 change. The main reason for
this
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trend
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 is that individuals are moving to have a better
life
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. I believe that the demerit of
this
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trend
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 far outweighs any supposed merits. The primary reason for
this
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trend
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 is that numerous
people
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 opt to move to other places to find better work opportunities to improve their living standards.
This
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 is because they want to upgrade the way they live their
life
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. To achieve
this
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, they leave their hometown and with the passage of time, they lose connections with loved ones and soon get used to it.
For example
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, my friend who went to Mumbai for work is not connected with relatives and his all loved ones complain about his behaviour. The main advantage of living away from the family is that there is no interference from family members in how they live their
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life
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lives
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.
This
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 makes them more independent to decide on their own.
However
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, when
people
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 live away from their family, they are not able to get guidance from experienced
people
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 in difficult situations,
Therefore
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, it is more likely that they
take
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make
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 wrong decisions which can ruin their
life
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. In conclusion,
people
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 are moving away from their loved ones
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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because they
start
Wrong verb form
started
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 working in other cities and I believe that
this
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trend
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 has more drawbacks as
people
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 are not surrounded by experienced family members over its merit of no interference of elderly
people
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.
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task response
For task response, the essay provides a clear response to the questions posed and includes both the reasons for the trend and the weighing of advantages and drawbacks. However, there is room to improve the development of ideas and address all aspects of the topic.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, the essay demonstrates a clear overall structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the logical progression of ideas within paragraphs could be strengthened by providing more developed and connected examples and explanations.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technological advancements
  • Social media
  • Face-to-face interaction
  • Geographical mobility
  • Generational differences
  • Individual independence
  • Personal growth
  • Mental health
  • Well-being
  • Family bonds
  • Cultural traditions
  • Familial support systems
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