IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
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Indeed , consuming
the
Correct article usage
apply
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processing
food
Use synonyms
 has become increasingly popular in recent days.
Artifical
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Artificial
 foods contain
high
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a high
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amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
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 of
sugar
Use synonyms
 ,which predisposes
for
Change preposition
to
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 many illness problems.Some people argue that sugary
food
Use synonyms
 should carry a high
costly
Replace the word
cost
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 to promote public health. In my opinion, I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 view by
impose
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imposing
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taxes
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 on these items.In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I would talk about
Correct article usage
the
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drawbacks of sugary
food
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 and how to reduce consuming them.
While
Linking Words
 the common myth of
benefit
Correct article usage
the benefit
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 of
sugar
Use synonyms
for
Add a missing verb
is for
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 energy that requires for our body.
however
Linking Words
, scientists and
nutrition
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nutritionists
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 concur that sugary items can cause
a
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apply
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serious health problems which
has
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have
show examples
 been linked to diabetes mellitus, obesity and
polycyctic
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polycystic
polycyclic
 ovaries
syndrom
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syndrome
.
For instance
Linking Words
, conducting
a
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apply
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research about the
linking
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link
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 between
sugar
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 consumers and
polycyctic
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polycystic
polycyclic
 ovaries
syndrom
Correct your spelling
syndromes
 which has increasingly become popular in recent decades, the outcome of results
demonstrating
Wrong verb form
demonstrated
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 that
sugar
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 consumers
has
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have
show examples
 increased the probability
for
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of
show examples
 having a
syndrom
Correct your spelling
syndrome
.
furthermore
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, nations are admirable with these custom-made products
due to
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 the fact that are ready-made and
having
Wrong verb form
have
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very
Correct article usage
a very
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 delicious taste which is so difficult to resist the savor.
However
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, the authorities
imposing
Wrong verb form
impose
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 additional
taxes
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 on items
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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containing
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contained
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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high
carbohydrate
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carbohydrates
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 which
maintain
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maintains
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public
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the public
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 health of societies. To illustrate
this
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by
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apply
show examples
example,
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the authority
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authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
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 in Australia oblige a law for
further
Linking Words
taxes
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 on unhealthy products, so
healthy
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a healthy
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meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
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cost10
Correct your spelling
cost 10
 dollars for one person
while
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unhealthy
Correct article usage
an unhealthy
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 meal cost 20 dollars for one person.
consequently
Linking Words
, doubling
price
Add an article
the price
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 of
meal
Correct article usage
a meal
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 per person has the merits
about
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of
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 reducing the consumption of processed
food
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. In conclusion, Many
processing
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processed
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food
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 and beverages
has
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have
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high
Add an article
a high
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 level of
sugar
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 that has been linked with some diseases .
Therefore
Linking Words
, the government is responsible for imposing
taxes
Use synonyms
 on products which have
a
Remove the article
apply
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negative feedback
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
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wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
.
Submitted by dent.hussain97 on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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