Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification.
There is currently a controversial argument over whether students can study other subjects
in addition
to their core subjects or they should focus on their courses
to get an achievement. Although
both groups have their justifications, I personally believe that the view of the first group is more outstanding. Both sides will be addressed in this
passage.
On the one hand, some pupils are enthusiastic to study
various Change preposition
about studying
books
which are completely free. The first reason why they believe this
is that studying gives them a sense of identity, in other words
, they will be able to gain knowledge of different subjects. Another substantial reason for this
is that they will be able to change their educational fields if they are more interested in new courses
. To be more precise, before entering the universities, the children do not have enough information related to the courses
and in consequence, after admitting to the universities they will find out the reality of courses
. For example
, one of my friends changed her field after spending two semesters at the university.
On the other side, others advocate that, if the learners concentrate more and more on their courses
, they will be able to fulfil their qualifications. Furthermore
, due to
the fact that studying other books
are
seriously time-consuming, the learner will not be able to get good scores in their exams. Correct subject-verb agreement
is
For instance
, some books
such
as mathematics are difficult and a long time is needed for studying
them.
In conclusion, there is a contentious argument over whether studying other Change preposition
to study
books
in universities is good or not. Nevertheless
, both sides have their justifications, I undoubtedly believe that this
matter helps students to learn about various fields and choose the best one.Submitted by elnazkarimi1386 on
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Vocabulary
Be cautious about repetitive phrases. Using 'both sides have their justifications' twice in the essay can lower the vocabulary score.
Vocabulary
Be cautious with word usage. The term 'pupils' is generally used for younger students, not those at the university level. Using 'students' or 'learners' would be more appropriate.
Grammar
Use appropriate academic expressions. 'get an achievement' is not a correct term. Consider using 'achieve success in their academic realm' or similar phrases.
Vocabulary
Stay consistent with the terminology you use. At the beginning of the essay, you mentioned 'studying other subjects', but later you referred to them as 'books'. Clearly distinguish between studying 'books' and 'subjects/courses'.
Coherence/Cohesion
The essay would be more cohesive if it made connections between the two differing perspectives. For example, explaining how a balanced approach might be possible or beneficial could help the essay feel more unified.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?