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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below shows the percentage of households with different kinds of technology in the UK from 1997 to 2001. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the percentage of households with different kinds of technology in the UK from 1997 to 2001. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#percentage #households #kinds #technology #uk #information #features #comparisons
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The graph
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 the percentage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
families
Use synonyms
 has different kinds of
technology
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 from 1997 to 2001.
Overall
Linking Words
.
The
Correct article usage
Families
show examples
families
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
five types of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a huge increase in these years.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
 1997 to 1998, the Internet, Computer and CD
player
Use synonyms
 were popular in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
UK
Use synonyms
families
Use synonyms
. The internet was increased from 10% to 20%, the Computer from 40% to 45% and the CD
Player
Use synonyms
 from 60% to 70%. But the
Use synonyms
families
Correct quantifier usage
number of families
show examples
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 DVD
Use synonyms
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
 was
reduce
Wrong verb form
reduced
show examples
 from 25% to 15%. And in 1998 the percentage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
families
Use synonyms
 with
telephone
Correct article usage
a telephone
show examples
 was
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
to
Change preposition
as
show examples
 the 1997. In fact, for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
UK
Use synonyms
families
Use synonyms
,
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
some type of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 will have
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
increased
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 from 1998 to 2001. Most
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
families
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 a DVD
Player
Use synonyms
, Internet, Computer and Telephone
respective
Change the word
respectively
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 increase to 40%, 50%, 60% and 79%. But the
families
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 the CD
player
Use synonyms
 was similar from
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
1998 to 1999. And there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 increase
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 70%
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
from 1999 to 2001.
Therefore
Linking Words
, most
UK
Use synonyms
families
Use synonyms
 has the five types of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 in 2001.
Submitted by crystal1989.liu on

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words families, technology, uk, player with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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