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Writing Samples
Band 5

The table below gives information about the underground railway systems in six cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant.

The table below gives information about the underground railway systems in six cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant.
#information #railway #systems #six #cities #summarise #features #comparison
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The table illustrates the
udnerground
Correct your spelling
underground
railway
Use synonyms
 systems in six cities
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
when the
railway
Use synonyms
 is opened,
length
Correct article usage
the length
show examples
 of the
railway
Use synonyms
, and
passengers
Use synonyms
 per
year
Use synonyms
. It is evident that
Tokyo
Change noun form
Tokyo's
show examples
 underground
railway
Use synonyms
 systems have the most
passengers
Use synonyms
 per
year
Use synonyms
 reaching a whopping 1.9 billion
passengers
Use synonyms
 per
year
Use synonyms
compares
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to the next most
passengers
Use synonyms
 underground
railway
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
 in Paris, reaching 1.1 billion
passengers
Use synonyms
 per
year
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
, London
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the oldest and longest underground subway
system
Use synonyms
 coming to 394 Kilometres of
Use synonyms
route
Add an article
the route
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it was opened in 1863
while
Linking Words
 the newest underground subway
system
Use synonyms
 is located in Los Angeles
opened
Correct word choice
and opened
show examples
 in 2001 stretching at just 28 Kilometres of
Use synonyms
route
Add an article
the route
show examples
.
Similarly
Linking Words
, Paris has the second longest and oldest underground subway
system
Use synonyms
 opened in 1900 and
consist
Correct subject-verb agreement
consists
show examples
 of 199 Kilometres of
route
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 London
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 the longest
railway
Use synonyms
route
Use synonyms
 out of the six cities,
kyoto
Change the capitalization
Kyoto
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 the shortest
railway
Use synonyms
route
Use synonyms
 coming
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
just 11 Kilometers of
Use synonyms
route
Add an article
the route
a route
show examples
 when it first opened in 1981. Kyoto
also
Linking Words
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the least
passengers
Use synonyms
 per
year
Use synonyms
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to all the other six cities.
Submitted by honzent99 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words railway, passengers, year, system, route with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • inaugurated
  • route length
  • passenger capacity
  • urban sprawl
  • public transport
  • technological advancements
  • economic contribution
  • industrial growth
  • population density
  • network expansion
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