IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

The natural resources such as oil, forest and fresh water are being consumed at an alarming rate. What problems does it couse? How can we solve these preblems?

#resources #oil #forest #water #rate #couse #preblems
Nowadays, natural
resources
 are at risk as they are utilized more than they are accessible. Some of these
resources
 are oil, fresh
water
 and forests.
This
 essay will discuss what consequences
this
 causes
as well as
 provide solutions. Depletion in
resources
 sends the price of basic needs rocketing. The stockpile of natural goods will be more expensive as the demand increases resulting in outrage as people would not have the funds to buy.
Due to
 the outrage a couple of things could happen,
for example
, riots which would increase crime or increase the risk of illnesses as people might have to consume dirty
water
due to
 the fact that they do not have access to clean
water
.
Furthermore
, there would be less clean air as forests undergo deforestation which eventually creates polluted air risking health
as a consequence
. To counteract the issue, I would advise governmental authorities to increase public transport and have it run on electricity as it is harmless and carbon-free. A couple of examples would be trams and trains.
However
, prices should remain fixed so the public could have access regardless of their income.
Similarly
, in regard to clean
water
, there should be more businesses processing dirty
water
 to be transformed
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 clean drinkable
water
that is
 safe to consume. On top of that for every tree
that is
 cut down, one must be planted to grow.
To conclude
, governments should impose actions to bring about a balance as there is a limit on the amount of natural
resources
 left.
Submitted by amaladem24 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The introduction presents the main topic and the essay is concluded with a clear, effective conclusion. However, the essay would benefit from more consistent linkers and logical progression of ideas throughout the body paragraphs.
task response
The response covers the main points of the task and provides relevant examples to support the ideas. However, there may be more focus on presenting a clear solution to the problem stated in the prompt.
lexical resource
The vocabulary used is largely appropriate and the range of vocabulary is sufficient to convey the intended meaning. However, more varied and cohesive linking devices could be used to enhance cohesion and coherence.
grammatical range
There is good control of grammar and a mix of complex and simple sentence structures. However, more varied and complex grammatical structures could be used to enhance the range of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: