IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many crimes are often related to the consumption of alcohol some people think that the best way to reduce the crime rate is to ban alcohol. Do you think this is an effective measure against crime? What other solution can you suggest

#crimes #consumption #alcohol #people #crime #rate #ban #measure
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Some individuals believe that the ultimate way of
crime
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control
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 is to ban
alcohol
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 because
crime
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 rates are mostly associated with
alcohol
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 addiction. I personally do not agree with
this
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 viewpoint because people who commit crimes have the chance of
alcohol
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 dependency so, only an
alcohol
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 ban would not be an effective solution to
control
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crime
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. To start with, sociologists believe that
alcohol
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 consumption is somehow related to the existence of
crime
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 in
society
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 because of two reasons.
For instance
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, either people engage in
crime
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 to afford the cost of
alcohol
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 or they involve in the smuggling of
alcohol
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 which is a form of
crime
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.
However
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,
instead
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 of these two types of ,
crime
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 there are other forms of
crime
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 that exist in
society
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 and there is no proof that only
alcohol
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-related
crime
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 prevails the
society
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.
Therefore
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, if the state only concentrates on the prohibition of
alcohol
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 that would be helpful to
control
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crime
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 but would not reach the goal to establish a
crime
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-free
society
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. Controlling
crime
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 can be accomplished by taking various measures.
For example
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, the primary step could be taken to
control
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crime
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 in
society
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 by creating adequate opportunities for employment in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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 because the unemployment problem is a significant reason for
crime
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 among young adults. The secondary step could be taken by upgrading correctional service in the prison because those who
involve
Wrong verb form
are involved
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 in
crime
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 once and go to jail have a high chance to
involve
Wrong verb form
be involved
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 in
crime
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 again.
Hence
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, an updated proper correctional service should be implemented by the state which would ensure not only the correction of the prisoners but
also
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 their empowerment and enlightenment.
To conclude
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, banning
alcohol
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 would help to
control
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crime
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 in some ways but might not help to fully eradicate it from
society
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.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should consider other measures to
control
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crime
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.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task response
Well done on addressing the prompt and expressing your opinion clearly throughout the essay. You have provided a balanced argument on the effectiveness of banning alcohol to reduce crime rates.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with a well-developed introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The ideas are logically organized and connected, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crime rate
  • consumption of alcohol
  • effective measure
  • ban alcohol
  • contribute to
  • types of crimes
  • other solutions
  • reduce the crime rate
  • education
  • awareness programs
  • stricter law enforcement
  • penalties
  • support
  • rehabilitation
  • alcohol addicts
  • root causes of crime
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