IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

It is expected in the near future that there will be a higher proportion of old people compared to the younger population in some countries. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your opinion and examples.

#future #proportion #people #population #countries #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Over the years
due to
Linking Words
 abundant resources available across the globe,
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
 is seeing
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 growth. As the
population
Use synonyms
 grows, it can be divided into 2 categories. Young and Old
Population
Use synonyms
. It is true that to control
population
Use synonyms
 growth, few countries have placed child restriction
policy
Fix the agreement mistake
policies
show examples
 and that has now adversely affected the country in many ways. In the current century, countries like China
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 seeing a huge increase in old
people
Use synonyms
 than young
adults
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 fact that their 2-child policy restricted
people
Use synonyms
 from having more kids and now the country is seeing more
adults
Use synonyms
 than children.
This
Linking Words
 has negatively impacted the country. For any kind of
occupation
Add a comma
,occupation
show examples
 companies are looking for young
adults
Use synonyms
. Young
adults
Use synonyms
 are active and healthy and they perform the job faster. Old
people
Use synonyms
on the other hand
Linking Words
, at their retirement age are still working to support their families. In a world of capitalism, we are seeing young entrepreneurs building revolutionary technologies that are changing the world.
This
Linking Words
 is possible because young
people
Use synonyms
 are able to adapt to the changes and
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
 and are very innovative. In order to create disruptive technologies, we need innovation and it's possible
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 young
people
Use synonyms
. It is sad to see that some parts of the globe
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 seeing
increase
Add an article
an increase
show examples
 in
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
population
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the policies placed to control
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
. China,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
 understood the problem and is now encouraging their
people
Use synonyms
 to have more kids to address the disparity in the
population
Use synonyms
. In order for the human race to survive, it's imperative to have
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
population
Use synonyms
. Countries should encourage their
people
Use synonyms
 to have children in a safe way.
Submitted by kiranjanarthan24 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: