Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia. As many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
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I strongly agree with the statement that childhood obesity is an increased in Australia, as many as two-thirds of
a
children are now obese and schools have a responsibility to monitor Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
that
their students eat and the amount of exercise they do.
Correct word choice
what
Firstly
, a school
should take care not only of children's eating habits but also
of their exercise also
. For example
, if kids will get only a better diet then
it will be good for a
nation. Correct article usage
the
A
institute should tell Change the article
An
a
kids about the importance of Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
good
Correct article usage
a good
meal
and walking. A university should Fix the agreement mistake
meals
Add a missing verb
have the
the
organic program like a fitness camp and more. A university should have a gym for young people. Fitness advantages should be told to Correct article usage
an
a
people. Institutions should provide that food which should have vitamins.
Correct article usage
apply
Secondly
, if heir will eat good cooking as well as
do proper exercise then
they will good changes in their bodies as well as
health. For example
, If a person will get better fruit but their lifestyle does not include any fitness part that will not give proper well-being. Institutions should tell the student that food is not good for a
body.
In conclusion, as around 65% of children Correct article usage
the
it
fast food health of the young is spring. In my , opinion a Correct pronoun usage
apply
school
should provide a healthy diet as well as
a good amount of yoga and many more. to according
, to Capitalize word
According
me
it is not only a Add a comma
,me
parents
responsibility to take care of kids but Change noun form
parent's
also
it's
a Unnecessary verb
it
school
's responsibility also
. A school
should also
focus on a child's health.Submitted by purvametaliya99 on
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite