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Band 4

The personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies and organisations. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#information #individuals #internet #companies #organisations #outweigh
Nowadays, the personal
information
 of many
people
 is held by large
internet
companies
 and
organisations
. In my opinion, the merits of
saved
Wrong verb form
saving
show examples
 the personal
information
 of individuals by large
internet
companies
 and
organisations
 outweigh the demerits. On the one hand, there are several drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 trend.
Firtsly
Correct your spelling
Firstly
,
saved
Wrong verb form
saving
show examples
 the personal
information
 of
people
 by large
internet
companies
 and
organisations
 makes
people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
more vulnerable to cybercrime. To illustrate, some
companies
 and
organisations
 share the personal
information
 of
people
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 many websites , which
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
makes
easier
Correct pronoun usage
it easier
show examples
 for hackers to
steel
Correct your spelling
steal
show examples
these
Change the determiner
this information
show examples
information
 and use it against
people
 to
steel
Correct your spelling
steal
show examples
 their money.
Secondly
,
saved
Wrong verb form
saving
show examples
 the personal
information
 of
people
 by
companies
 and
organisations
 can break the privacy of
people
.
For example
, some
companies
 use
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
photos of
people
 in order to make ads for their goods without approval from
people
.
On the other hand
, I would like to argue that the benefits of
held
Change the form of the verb
holding
show examples
 the personal
information
 of individuals by large
internet
companies
 and
organisations
significantly
Add a missing verb
are significantly
show examples
 more than the downsides. The first benefit,
people
 can save a
consderiable
Correct your spelling
considerable
 amount of money
through share
Change preposition
by sharing
show examples
 their personal
information
 with
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
companies
 and
organisations
 . To illustrate,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online commercial
companies
 can tell
people
 if the any discount on their products namely, electronic
deveice
Correct your spelling
device
devices
, food,
drinks
Correct word choice
and drinks
show examples
 via
contanct
Correct your spelling
contact
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 email
,
Correct word choice
and, number
show examples
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of phone of
people
. The second advantage, the sharing personal
information
 of
people
 with
internet
companies
 and
organisations
 can help
people
 to find
a better jobs
Correct the article-noun agreement
a better job
better jobs
show examples
.
For instance
, some online
companies
scuh
Correct your spelling
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Linkedin share
the
Change the word
their
show examples
CV
Fix the agreement mistake
CVs
show examples
 around the world in order to help
people
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
find
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jobs opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
job opportunities
show examples
.
To sum up
, In my perspective, the upsides of
Wrong verb form
saving
show examples
saved
Wrong verb form
saving
show examples
 the personal
information
 of
people
 by large
internet
companies
 and
organisations
 outweigh the downsides, because it helps
people
 to save money
as well as
 help them to find
jobs opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
job opportunities
show examples
.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

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