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Writing Samples
Band 5

The table below gives information about the underground railway systems in six cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below gives information about the underground railway systems in six cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #railway #systems #six #cities #summarise #features #comparisons
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The data shows the details of the underground
railway
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
 in terms of date opened,
kilometres
Use synonyms
 of
route
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, And
passengers
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 per year in millions in
London
Use synonyms
, Paris, Tokyo, Washington DC,
Kyoto
Use synonyms
 and Los Angeles.
Overall
Linking Words
, the first underground
railway
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
 was opened in
London
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
kilometres
Use synonyms
 of
route
Use synonyms
 and
passengers
Use synonyms
 per year were minimum in
Kyoto
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the first underground
railway
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
 was opened in
London
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 in 1863 with 394
kilometres
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 of
route
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, which was the longest
route
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,
while
Linking Words
 the
Kyoto
Use synonyms
 underground
railway
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
 had only 11
kilometres
Use synonyms
 of
route
Use synonyms
, which was opened in 1981. The underground
railway
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system
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 of Paris was founded in 1900, Tokyo in 1927, Washington DC in 1976, And Los Angeles
railway
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 station found in 2001 with 199
kilometres
Use synonyms
 of
route
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, 155
kilometres
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, 126
kilometres
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 and 28
kilometres
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 of the way, respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a large number of
passengers
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 were seen in Tokyo (1927
million
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),
while
Linking Words
least
Change preposition
at least
show examples
 in
Kyoto
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 (45
million
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). One thousand one hundred ninety-one
million
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passengers
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 from
London
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, which was the second-highest number. Washington DC got the fourth position from the top in
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 of the number of travellers per year (144
million
Use synonyms
) and 50
million
Use synonyms
 travellers present in Los Angeles.
Submitted by odod_aja on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand, while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words railway, system, kilometres, route, passengers, london, kyoto, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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