Some people suggest that children do not understand the world of work and schools should make all teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying academic subjects. To what extent do you agree?

Nowadays, some individuals argued that all students who are studying at
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have to understand what the
work
is and they should spend
time
at
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
jobs for couple
hours
Change preposition
of hours
show examples
at
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
day
as well as
studying at school. From my perspective,
this
idea can lead to a good result.
However
, I have some doubts
with
Change preposition
about
show examples
this
concept. So, in
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
I will
further
explore
this
thought-provoking question.
To begin
with, it
definitely
Add a missing verb
is definitely
show examples
clear that not all
children
will agree to
work
after school.
For instance
, many students have extra lessons, they do sports .
As a result
, working after school will just disturb them from their everyday life.
In addition
, it is
evidently
Change the word
evident
show examples
that these
children
will not earn a lot of money.
Thus
, all
time
which they will spend at
work
,
instead
of
learn
Change the verb form
learning
show examples
subject
Add an article
a subject
the subject
show examples
or
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
sport will not pay them back.
Moreover
, after
work
children
will be exhausted and they will not have
power
Correct article usage
the power
show examples
for other activities.
Furthermore
, childhood and teenage years they for fun and chilling ,
instead
of,
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
somewhere as a matter of fact you will have all your adulthood
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working somewhere.
On the other hand
, someone can like it.
Firstly
,
this
opportunity will provide you
useful
Change preposition
with useful
show examples
experience.
For example
, if you
work
a
Change preposition
as a
show examples
waiter you can improve your social skills.
Secondly
,
children
from poor families could have
desire
Add an article
a desire
the desire
show examples
to
work
, in order to earn extra money for their selves or for their families.
Thirdly
, you can meet and communicate with new people ,
hence
, you can
wide
Replace the word
widen
show examples
your horizon.
Also
, all
children
will become more conscious. In conclusion, for some group of
children
Add a comma
,children
show examples
this
idea
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
sense.
Nevertheless
, I
against
Add a missing verb
am against
show examples
this
concept because
children
will have
time
for
work
in their adulthood.
In contrast
, in
childhood
Add a comma
,childhood
show examples
they need to play with their friends, hang out,
attend
Correct word choice
and attend
show examples
extra lessons and
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
sections.
Submitted by slobodanatol83 on

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Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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