IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

In some places, groups of teenagers occasionally cause trouble by behaving badly. What do you think are the reasons for this problem, and what might be done about it?

#places #groups #teenagers #trouble
In some parts of the world ,
Teenagers
 are creating groups where they act inappropriately against their families , schools and the community .  On the one
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 I think that
Teenagers
 can be out of control when they don't receive first of all a good education from their families
Although
 school is important , the behaviours that we learn at home from our parents are absolutely necessary to grow up as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthy and polite people. 
On the other hand
 I believe that in some difficult situations is not possible for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
families to take care of the education and manners of their child , so institutions like schools have to take the role of the parent .  Creating more outdoor activities where young people can enter
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 contact with nature might be a solution
such
 as
collect
Wrong verb form
collecting
show examples
 litter from beaches to help the environment and to create a new and interesting "
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
" group .  What we watch on TV influence our brain , If we think that
teenagers
 spend most of their time playing video games where murderers and blood are the main characters we can understand why in some case they can act aggressively .  It is believed that therapy would
also
 be relevant in those cases ,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most of the time
teenagers
 are not comfortable
to talk
Change the verb form
talking
show examples
 about their problems with their mum or dad and
this
 can create a lack of communication which is really important during these ages .
Submitted by giuliana.altieri on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: