IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more people today are drinking sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons for this? What are the solutions to make people drink less?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Sugar-based
drinks
Use synonyms
 are
so
Rephrase
very
show examples
 popular among youngsters.
However
Linking Words
, in recent times, individuals
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 drinking large amounts of sugar-based canes. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain why consumption increased, and suggest some steps that can mitigate the issue. There are several reasons behind the tendency
of drinking
Change preposition
to drink
show examples
 sugar-based
drinks
Use synonyms
. To commence with, the advertisement is a major problem around the world. To explain it more, the company that makes
this
Linking Words
 type of drink spends millions of dollars on advertisements so youth are easily influenced by it and
being
Verb problem
become
show examples
 addicted.
For instance
Linking Words
, in India, Redbull company spends countless money on role models for advertising and casting on television, and social media, which most youths choose
for showing
Change preposition
to show
show examples
 their class among the people.
As a result
Linking Words
, they are facing health-related issues in their life after consuming excessive levels of drink. It is necessary to deal with
this
Linking Words
 issue because it is dangerous for the youth's future. If the first step can be taken by the government, it is a positive effect on the public governments should increase the tax rate on that type of product by doing
this
Linking Words
 in most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
countries people are showing less interest or
buy
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
 it.
Secondly
Linking Words
, government and the public should work together, and spread awareness about the ingredients of
drinks
Use synonyms
, or give proper knowledge of
drinks
Use synonyms
. If people consume sugar-based
drinks
Use synonyms
, they will be ready to meet health issues
such
Linking Words
 as diabetes, obesity, and many more.
For example
Linking Words
, the government of the
united states
Correct your spelling
United States
show examples
 started a campaign against drink companies,
due to
Linking Words
 which most Americans stopped buying it. In conclusion,
why
Rephrase
apply
show examples
sugar-based
drinks
Use synonyms
 are more consumed because of advertisements and careless youth, and
provide
Verb problem
apply
show examples
some steps
such
Linking Words
 as awareness of products to ameliorate the problem.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Provide specific examples and evidence to support your points. Make sure to develop your ideas thoroughly to demonstrate a clear understanding of the issues.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas in a more coherent structure. Use appropriate linking words and transitions to connect your ideas and improve clarity.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: