IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #history #school #subjects #world #science #technology
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowaday
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
show examples
,there has been a growing trend toward
technology
Use synonyms
 and
science
Use synonyms
. Some people think that history is
one
Use synonyms
 of the
essentiat
Correct your spelling
essential
 curriculum school subjects.Meanwhile, others think that
Technology
Use synonyms
 and
science
Use synonyms
 issues are more crucial during the
last
Linking Words
 decades.In my opinion, I totally agree with
latter
Add an article
the latter
show examples
 notion.I will explain both views in detail. On the
one
Use synonyms
 hand,
Technology
Use synonyms
 and
science
Use synonyms
 are the
subject
Change the noun form
subjects
show examples
 of
contemporary
Add an article
the contemporary
show examples
 world.
One
Use synonyms
 reason behind that
people
Add a missing verb
is people
show examples
 are more interested
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
innovation
Add an article
the innovation
show examples
 of mobiles , devices,
sphoisiticated
Correct your spelling
sophisticated
 cars and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
space.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
country
Add an article
a country
the country
show examples
 which
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
investment
Add an article
an investment
the investment
show examples
 in
technology
Use synonyms
 and
science
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
through
show examples
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
 system,
this
Linking Words
 result
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
Add an article
a well
the well
show examples
well educated
Add a hyphen
well-educated
show examples
 generation that
develope
Correct your spelling
develops
 and increase the budget of
Use synonyms
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, In Germany is ranked
in
Change preposition
as
show examples
third
Change the article
the third
show examples
country
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 development and economic growth.
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 .they educate their children from primary school about
technology
Use synonyms
 and
science
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, history
is consider
Change the verb form
is considered
show examples
one
Use synonyms
 of
important
Add an article
the important
show examples
 subjects that reflect the
country
Use synonyms
 's culture and tradition.  For
instanec
Correct your spelling
instance
, it will transmit the events and obstacles which are facing them.
In addition
Linking Words
,It
convey
Change the verb form
conveys
show examples
 the heritage of our ancestors, which
consist
Correct subject-verb agreement
consists
show examples
 of
Correct article usage
an inspiration
show examples
inspiration
Replace the word
inspirational
show examples
 message that
giving
Wrong verb form
gives
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lessons for children about success,
honest
Replace the word
honesty
show examples
 and liberality. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 history is a vital subject to learn our
yongster
Correct your spelling
youngster
.
However
Linking Words
, included my opinion, the benefits of other subjects are more vast compared to
previous
Correct pronoun usage
onesprevious
show examples
.
Submitted by dent.hussain97 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial
  • comprehend
  • retrospect
  • gain insights
  • reflect on
  • sharpen
  • evaluate
  • significance
  • heritage
  • legacy
  • advent
  • breakthroughs
  • sustain
  • sustainability
  • revolutions
  • empowered
  • overcome
  • transform
  • advancements
  • collaboration
  • cooperation
  • diversity
  • fulfilling
  • promote
  • facilitate
  • prosperity
  • enhance
  • foster
  • foundation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: