Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements.

#people #schools #reward #students #show #results #improvements

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Students

are hard-working folks who try their best to improve themselves, so it is only reasonable that they are rewarded for their efforts.

However

, it is how

schools

decide to spend their budget on

this

matter

that is

debatable. Whether they should spend their resources on

students

that are making progress or

students

that have actually achieved something, we are going to discuss both views and give a firm opinion about

this

. Achievers will be the only

one

Correct pronoun usage

ones

show examples

benefiting if

schools

choose the latter

strategy

. Giving rewards is a way of showing appreciation to someone. It is clearly reasonable to reward

students

who actually achieved, but it is still unfair

for

Change preposition

show examples

those who

also

strive for improvement

everyday

Replace the word

every day

show examples

Furthermore

, the number of

students

that actually manage to succeed in achieving is not great,

hence

only a few actually benefit from

this

. Only achievers will be lifted, supported and loved, and the vast majority will sink into the deep sea of despair.

This

strategy

clarifies the dark side of most school systems: you are only praised when you are good, but no one cares if you try your best to improve without achievements. The other

strategy

however

, is more logical. We define “strivers” as someone who devotes themselves to

Wrong verb form

doing

show examples

something.

This

term is undeniably wider than the term “achievers”.

This

includes those who spend most of their time behaving well and doing their best to actually achieve, which logically includes “achievers”. With

this

strategy

, none will be left behind,

beside

Change preposition

besides

show examples

slackers, of course. It is a better way to reward

students

, both those with high effort put into their work and those with actual achievements

while

also

snapping lazy folks back to reality. It does seem to cost more, but it is truly worth it. I don’t think

schools

mind paying more to make everyone’s school lives better. After all, it all leads to a better society where

students

get less depressed, where

students

have fun studying, where

students

consider

schools

their

house

Fix the agreement mistake

houses

show examples

, and where everyone strives for a better community. In conclusion, it is highly recommended that

schools

adapt

Correct your spelling

adopt

show examples

the

strategy

of rewarding

students

who strive for the better, and not only the “achievers” mentioned in the second paragraph. Regardless of any

rewarding

Replace the word

reward

show examples

system, I sincerely hope that

students

this

day and age will not suffer from any kind of mental illness and continue to improve themselves for the better.

Submitted by quynhtranhbh on Thu Jul 13 2023

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When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

402 words

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Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?

In some parts of the world tradition festivals and celebrations have disappeared or are disappearing. What problem is this causing and what measures could be taken to counter this situation?

Being a celebrity-such as a famous film star and sport personality-brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?