IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The two pie charts below show some employment patterns in Great Britain in 1992. Employees and self-employed: by sex and occupation, 1992

The two pie charts below show some employment patterns in Great Britain in 1992. Employees and self-employed: by sex and occupation, 1992
#two #show #employment #patterns #britain #employees #sex #occupation
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The two pie charts
gives
Change the verb form
give
show examples
 information about employees and self-employed by sex and
occupation
Use synonyms
 in Great Britain in the year 1992.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 of females
work
Use synonyms
 in non-manual
Use synonyms
occupation
Fix the agreement mistake
occupations
show examples
 than
work
Use synonyms
 in manual
Use synonyms
occupation
Fix the agreement mistake
occupations
show examples
 and the reverse is true for
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
non+manual occupations,
highest
Add an article
the highest
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
work
Use synonyms
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 than males are found in clerical or related type positions which is 31%.
However
Linking Words
,in managerial and professional positions employed
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 and
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 are 29% and 36%.Meanwhile, the proportion of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
employ
Replace the word
employed
show examples
 in other non-manual occupations is larger than the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 in
these
Change the determiner
this occupation
these occupations
show examples
occupation
Use synonyms
. In the manual
enploy
Correct your spelling
employ
, the biggest
different
Replace the word
difference
show examples
 between the two sex is in the employ of craft
works
Replace the word
workers
show examples
,
inside
Change preposition
apply
show examples
males make up 24% of the workers and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 just 3%.
Further
Linking Words
,the proportion of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 working as general
laborers
Change the spelling
labourers
show examples
 is
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 small
percentage
Use synonyms
 of males and females doing other
Change preposition
apply
show examples
from
Correct your spelling
form
show examples
 of manual
work
Use synonyms
 which is 26% and 27%
Submitted by anhnguhongmai on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words occupation, percentage, work with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: