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Writing Samples
Band 6

The pie charts show the average consumption of food in the world in 2008 compared to two countries; China and India.

The pie charts show the average consumption of food in the world in 2008 compared to two countries; China and India.
#show #consumption #food #world #two #countries #china #india
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The pie charts illustrate the types of
food
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people
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 ate in 2008 compared with the
consumption
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 of these,items in
China
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 and
India
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 in the same year.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 processed
food
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 was the most common,and nuts and seeds were the less
priorities
Replace the word
prioritised
show examples
food
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 in the world.In
China
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 and
India
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,
people
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 eat processed
food
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 in the world.In
China
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 and
India
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,
people
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 eat processed
food
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 mostly. Around the world,
people
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 prefer 41% processed
food
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, but nearly one-third
consumption
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 of vegetables and fruits. Nuts and seeds
consumption
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 was least on account of 4%,above a quarter
consumption
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 for animal
food
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. Chinese and Indian
people
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 eat mostly processed
food
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, with 34% and 39% respectively 15% animal
food
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consumption
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 in
China
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while
Linking Words
 it is nearly double in
India
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 with 27%. Indian
people
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 prefer 23% vegetables and fruits;
however
Linking Words
, in
China
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, it’s 10% more
consumption
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. For nuts and seeds type
food
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, 11%
consumption
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 in
India
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 was
also
Linking Words
 the lowest proportion,
while
Linking Words
 19% in
China
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.
Submitted by anhnguhongmai on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words food, people, consumption, china, india with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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