IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugars #health #people #sugar
Many manufactured
food
 and drink
goods
 contain high
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of
sugars
Fix the agreement mistake
sugar
show examples
 which causes many health issues. Sugary
goods
 should be made more expensive to motivate individuals to
consum
Correct your spelling
consume
 less
sugar
. I totally disagree with
this
 statement because
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 the
price
 of sugary
products
 is not
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 solution,
however
, I would like to recommend some measures to address
this
 issue. On the one hand, I believe
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
impose
Wrong verb form
imposing
show examples
 taxes
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 sugary
goods
 can have a
negaitve
Correct your spelling
negative
 impact on
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 live. To illustrate,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most of our
food
 and drink in recent times contain
high level
Add a hyphen
high-level
show examples
sugar
Change preposition
of sugar
show examples
.
For example
,
breads
Change the wording
bread
pieces of bread
loaves of bread
slices of bread
show examples
 and juice
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the basic needs for every family in order to gain energy, which means
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 the
price
 of sugary
products
 can make it not affordable for
people
.
Consequently
,
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
price
 of sugary
products
 can make
people
 commit
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 in order to buy
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. On the
othe
Correct your spelling
other
 hand, I would like to suggest some solutions better than
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 the
price
 of sugary
products
. The first effective measure,
the
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
 government could launch
educational
Correct article usage
an educational
show examples
 campaign in order to raise
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
awareness among
people
 about the harmful consequences of
consum
Correct your spelling
consuming
 too
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 sugary
products
.
Therefore
,
this
 step can make
people
 more aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
food
 and
drinks
Change the noun form
drink
show examples
 habits,
then
 they can make
right
Add an article
the right
show examples
 decision about their health.
Introduce
Wrong verb form
Introducing
show examples
 the harsh laws to force the production companies of
food
 and drink to reduce the
amount
 of
sugar
 in their
goods
 is another solution.
For instance
, the Saudi Arabia government set limits for
maximum
Add an article
the maximum
a maximum
show examples
amount
 of
sugar
 in every
food
 and
drinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
drink
show examples
 for production companies.
To sum up
, I strongly disagree with the idea that
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 the
price
sugary
Change preposition
of sugary
show examples
goods
,
however
, I suggested some better measures to deal with
this
 problem
including
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, rais awareness among
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 about
detrimental
Correct article usage
the detrimental
show examples
 of sugary
goods
,
implement
Wrong verb form
implementing
show examples
 strict laws to force companies to minimize the
amount
 of
sugar
 in their
goods
.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: