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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows shares of expenditures for five major categories in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan in the year 2009.

The bar chart below shows shares of expenditures for five major categories in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan in the year 2009.
#bar #shares #expenditures #five #categories #states #canada #kingdom #japan #year
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The bar chart below gives information about the percentage
off
Change preposition
of
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 spending on five vital categories in the United States,
Canada
Use synonyms
, the United Kingdom, and
Japan
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 in 2009 and it is easy to see that food and housing, transportation accounted for the highest rate,
whereas
Linking Words
 health care and clothing were lower.
overall
Linking Words
,
three
Correct article usage
the three
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 highest figures easily can be seen
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 united states spent about 14% on food which was lower than
Japan
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 ( about 23% ).
moreover
Linking Words
, the percentage of spending on food in the
uk
Correct your spelling
UK
 was higher than in
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canada
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Canada
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 ( 21% compared to 15% ).
According to
Linking Words
 the bar of housing,
america
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America
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 was the highest rate ( about 26%) and the united kingdom was slightly lower than
america
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America
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 because
britain
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Britain
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 just accounted for about 24%, followed by 23% in
Use synonyms
japan
Capitalize word
Japan
show examples
 and 21% in
Use synonyms
canada
Change the capitalization
Canada
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. in terms of transportation,
canadians
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Canadians
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 spent 20% of their total expenditures,
while
Linking Words
americans
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Americans
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, the
british
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British
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,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
japanese
Change the capitalization
Japanese
show examples
 from the figure of
category
Add an article
the category
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 were just 18%, 15%,
10
Correct word choice
and 10
show examples
%. in the other 2 figures, health care in the
uk
Correct your spelling
UK
 was followed
2
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at 2
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%,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
canada
Change the capitalization
Canada
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 was as high as
Use synonyms
japan
Capitalize word
Japan
show examples
 (about 4%) and
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
us was the highest.
Submitted by namle.ivce on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words canada, japan with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 6 times.
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