Some people think that it is best to save money, for example in a bank or savings scheme. Other people feel that money should be spent whenever it is available. Discuss these views and reach an opinion on this debate. Give reasons for your answer, and support your essay with ideas and examples from your own experience.

#people #money #bank #savings #scheme #debate #support

Saving money is one of the best ways to manage salary for some society, even though others think that we should spend all

cash

Correct article usage

the cash

show examples

that we have. These communities have their own perspectives and we will discuss them in

this

essay.

Firstly

, it is certainly true that saving cash is good for future plans. These range from budgeting to travel, to pension costs and sudden accidents.

For example

, we have a car accident on the way to the office that needs cash to recover both the car and ourselves. If we don't have wealth in our

bank

account, it is too hard to solve

this

problem because we need to go to the

bank

and submit for a loan

that

Correct word choice

and

show examples

there is a possibility of not being approved.

Secondly

, savings

also

can be an investment to make someone become more rich and have financial freedom. There are many types of investment that are offered today by banks or securities from low to high returns. In comparison, many societies think that we only live once and there is no guarantee that we still live tomorrow.

For

this

reason, spending all of our wealth is the best way to enjoy

this

life because we can have whatever we want and try anything before we die. If we just save our salary and suddenly die, our

saving

Replace the word

savings

show examples

fund will

be caused

Wrong verb form

cause

show examples

new problems for our

families member

Fix the agreement mistake

family members

show examples

because they will fight to get that property. Afterwards, saving wealth in a

bank

account has a possibility of loss. There are many cases all around the world in

that

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

depositors

lost

Wrong verb form

lose

show examples

their checks because the

bank

fool them.

To sum up

, I strongly believe that a savings check is the best choice for some reasons, like long-time plans or problem anticipation.

Instead

spend

Wrong verb form

of spending

show examples

all of our funds because afraid to save them in a

bank

account, we should find credible authorities to help manage our fees.

Submitted by dewintaputri23 on Sun Jul 16 2023

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Task Achievement

Ensure that all points of the prompt are addressed and provide a clear opinion on the debate.

Coherence and Cohesion

Organize your ideas in a logical manner and use appropriate paragraphing.

Lexical Resource

Expand your vocabulary and use a variety of words and phrases.

Grammatical Range

Work on your sentence structures and aim for more complex and varied sentences.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

321 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Your opinion

Many doctors are concerned about the high use of computer games by children and young people. What are the advantages and disadvantages of children playing computer games?

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Convenience foods will become increasingly prevalent and eventually replace traditional foods and methods of preparation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

If some people get a chance to choose between life without work in spending most of the time working, then they would choose not to work. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?